Left Behind
by soulbound nun
Summary: A year has passed, and as Yuuki grows out of their reach, Zero and Yori find an unlikely source of comfort and support in each other.
1. Empty Desk

**Left Behind**

**Summary:** A year has passed, and as Yuuki grows out of their reach, Zero and Yori find an unlikely source of comfort and support in each other.

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

Sometimes, I wish it were all a dream.

Maybe if it was, then things could have been easier. I wouldn't have to hear the Day Class girls endlessly sulking over the disappearance of the Night Class or witness the sadness and longing concealed behind Zero's haunting gaze. I wouldn't have to catch myself accidently glancing at the empty desk beside me during classes or the empty bed in my dorm room, an ever reminder of the loss of my dearest best friend. Sometimes, I want to forget. Forgetting it all would be much easier and much less painful.

But… I couldn't do that for two reasons.

Yuuki meant too much to me, and… I couldn't possibly let Zero suffer alone. We shared the same loss. That, our knowledge of the existence of vampires, and most importantly our mutual connection to Yuuki, were the only things Zero and I had in common.

After everything that's happened this past year, I'd like to believe that Zero and I have become friends, but that's probably wishful thinking on my part. We were never really "close." I would always keep Zero at an arm's length. I'm not too sure why. It's just the type of relationship Zero and I would have—classmates and being a friend of friend, but not too distant to be acquaintances.

Even with… _her_ gone, I guess that's how I wanted things to stay.

* * *

Today, I was caught staring at her desk again.

I told myself over and over to never look at that empty desk. I told myself that if I did, nothing would happen. My best friend wouldn't magically appear. All I'd receive would be disappointment. And yet, in spite of my inner lectures and warnings, I found myself looking at that very desk. At the same time, I was being called on to read the next paragraph in our textbook, but I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't even on the right page. For a split-second, my world centered on that simple desk beside me and nothing else mattered. When I realized my foolishness, there were a few snickers in the classroom as I apologized for my distractedness. Takamiya-sensei told me to see him after class. I know I should have felt a little ashamed or embarrassed by my mishap, but in all honesty, I felt nothing at all. Nothing at all.

"That wasn't like you, Wakaba-kun. Usually, you're a pretty decent student," Takamiya-sensei said, frowning.

I nodded. Takamiya-sensei wasn't really scolding me, but I never liked being scolded, even as a child. But this situation couldn't have been helped. "I'm sorry," I replied. "There's no excuse really for my behavior."

Takamiya-sensei sighed and crossed his arms as he pondered for a moment. "Normally, I'd have to give you supplementary classes, but I know you're a good kid. I'll let you off the hook on this one."

But I shook my head. "No, it's all right, sensei. I'm not looking for special treatment of any kind. I'll take the supplementary classes," I reassured him.

I knew Takamiya-sensei was just trying to be nice. I don't really see what all the Day Class girls see in him—after all, he is a teacher, or at least a teacher-in-training. I don't see why the girls would swoon over him as if he was another Night Class student. Takamiya-sensei has this enigmatic vibe he gives off that no one really seems to notice, but I'll have to admit that he'd been helpful with me in the past. He even let me see her once. But even so, maybe a punishment would teach me a lesson. Maybe then I would stop giving myself false hope by glancing at that desk that would never do me any good.

Takamiya-sensei gave me a long stare before he finally relented. "Eh, whatever you say. Be my guest. I don't really have any work for you, but I guess you could grade last week's exam papers. I haven't finished grading those…," he muttered, standing up. "I have to go to a teacher's meeting right now, so you two behave while I'm gone."

I blinked. "You _two?_" I repeated.

"Yeah," Takamiya-sensei mentioned as he left the classroom, "Zero will be joining you with the supplementary classes. He's been sitting there the entire time. … Haven't you noticed?"

I paused for a moment before slowly turning to find Zero sitting at his usual spot, the aisle seat a row behind mine. He gave me his typical bored expression, his flat stare as hand rested against his cheek. No, I thought, I haven't noticed him there at all.

I knew Zero would always have supplementary classes when he used to have to patrol the Night Class because of how tiring the task can be at such late hours at night, but with the Night Class gone, I merely assumed that he wouldn't have supplementary classes anymore. I guess his business with the Hunters Association must have taken a toll on him as well.

I gathered the stack of papers and two red pens before walking up the steps to the row of seats. Before I entered my row, I stopped and let myself linger near Zero. I never minded being alone with him, but the very situation felt strange. We never really spent too much time together, aside from his visits to check up on me or our occasional and brief discussions, so I wasn't used to his company.

"This is your first time having supplementary classes, isn't it, Wakaba?" Zero asked me, deciding to be the first to break the ice.

"Yes, it is, but I never would have guessed Takamiya-sensei would give you supplementary classes, Zero-kun," I countered teasingly. "You two seem very close."

Zero shrugged. "I guess we're not that close," he muttered sarcastically.

I giggled as I handed him half of the stack of exam papers, the answer sheet, and a red pen before taking my seat. This exam wasn't too difficult if you studied well, but it looked like most of my classmates had a hard time with it.

I stole a glance at Zero. "How's your Hunters Association work going?" I decided to ask him. I knew he would rebuff me, but the question was inevitable.

Zero looked up from his papers and at me, but I knew he didn't meet my gaze. Sometimes, he never did. Sometimes, it was almost like he wasn't seeing me at all.

"You know I can't give you details about my work, Wakaba," he reminded me.

"I wasn't looking for details."

"Then what were you looking for?"

"Answers."

"Answers?"

"Why do you hunt vampires?" I asked him firmly, "Please, Zero-kun… Tell me why."

It just didn't sense to me. Zero made it clear that there are both good and bad vampires in this world, just as there are good and bad people in this world too. I wasn't delusional. I wasn't under the impression that all vampires were good. But… Why would Zero hunt vampires, well aware that… that _she_ was one too? Why would Zero hunt vampires, knowing that single and crucial fact?

"Wakaba…," Zero muttered, turning away from me. "You… You wouldn't understand."

"I would if you'd let me try—"

"—But I _won't_."

I said nothing and returned to my paperwork, and Zero made no effort to say anything else. After a long period of silence and grading papers, I moved a lock of my hair behind my ear. While I did so, I heard Zero stir behind me.

"I wasn't trying to be cold, Wakaba… I just…," he began.

I shook my head. "Don't make up excuses, Zero-kun. It's my fault. I shouldn't have said anything," I murmured quietly, looking over my shoulder. "You're always like this, so I shouldn't have expected more from you."

Zero stared at me. "… What?"

Before he could say anything else, Takamiya-sensei entered the room. "Hey, you two! I told you guys to behave! You're here to grade papers, not socialize, you twits!" he called out at us as he walked over to his desk and slumped down into his chair. Takamiya-sensei groaned, exasperated. "Jeez, that meeting was such a pain…," he muttered.

I batted my eyes and turned away from Zero. I stood up, gathering my bag, the stack of papers, and the red pen. I could have sworn I heard Zero mutter something like "hey" or "you," but I ignored him and left my desk. I approached Takamiya-sensei and handed him the exam papers and pen.

"I finished grading my half of the papers, sensei," I said. "That's all you needed me to do, right?"

Takamiya-sensei exhaled. "Yeah, that's it," he replied, "You're free to leave, but don't you want to wait for your friend?"

I giggled softly as I turned for the door. "Zero-kun and I…," I muttered, stealing one last glance at Zero before exiting the classroom. "Well, we were never really friends to begin with… now were we?"

I shut the door behind me and stood there in the hall. My feet wouldn't budge. I sighed, rolling my eyes. I scolded myself in mind for being even the slightest bit disappointed.

This is why I kept Zero at an arm's length. I never saw a need to open myself to him because I found it unnecessary, and I never saw a need to get him to open himself to me because if I tried to, he would only shut me out. It was ironic. I knew this would happen, and I let it happen too. I really shouldn't have expected anything from Zero.

We were classmates, a friend of friend, but not too distant to be acquaintances. That was the type of relationship we always had.

This was how I wanted it to stay in the first place, so I never should have overstepped my boundaries to begin with.

* * *

**a/n:** I'm a fan of many, many pairings in VK, and Zori is one of them. While I think that Zeki will happen in the long run, if it doesn't and the story goes into a more star-crossed lovers sense for Zero and Yuuki, then I'd love to see Zero together with Yori because she's one of the few people who can support him and knows what he's going through. And it would be nice if Yori could get more love because she's such an underrated character sometimes when she's really a pretty awesome character in her own little way. Now, in this particular introductory chapter, Zero and Yori aren't quite as close as you'd probably expect them to be. This was intentional. Their relationship will grow, but it's a gradual growth. Zero and Yori were never close to begin with, so naturally it would be difficult for both of them to warm up to each other so easily.

**[rxr]**


	2. Calm Before the Storm

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** I edited Chapter 1 a little bit (it was just editing two sentences in particular). It wasn't major edits for those who read the chapter before the edits were made, but it subtly hints to a certain event that will soon take place in an upcoming chapter.

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

I knew I would have regretted my ill words towards Zero, but I couldn't help it. I was frustrated with myself, and Zero being his usual aloof self wasn't really helping things. I exhaled. But I shouldn't have taken it out on him. It had been several days since our little spat, and he tried to talk to me, but I ended up giving up the cold shoulder, which looking back on it, really wasn't one of my brightest ideas in the world.

"Wakaba, are you heading into the city?" one of my classmates asked me when I bumped into her while exiting the Sun Dormitory.

I nodded, snapping out of my thoughts. "I'm just going to do a little shopping, that's all," I replied, shrugging.

"With the Chairman's daughter studying abroad, you do your shopping alone now, huh?"

That was a rumor that had been drifting around concerning the disappearance of my best friend. Though, knowing _her_ grades, I doubted she would actually be able to study abroad. I giggled in my mind at that thought.

"You shouldn't go out into the city on your own, Wakaba. It's a little dangerous, don't you think? They're saying on the news that there's some serial killer on the loose in the city right now. That's certainly why curfew was made an hour earlier than usual. I-I would offer to go with you, but I have a lot of work to do… Hm… H-Hey, why don't you ask Kiryuu to go with you? You two seem to have grown pretty close since Cross Yuuki left."

I flinched. My body would always react at the slightest sound of her name—of… of _Yuuki's_ name. I wondered if Zero felt the same way when Yuuki would be mentioned around him. My classmate noticed my abrupt reluctance, but I reassured her I was all right.

"Zero-kun and I are just friends, and I'll be fine. I'll talk to you later."

When my classmate entered into the dormitory and left my sight, I let a sigh escape my lips. Why did everyone think that Zero and I were close when we really weren't? To a third party's impression, I suppose I could understand why they would reach such an unlikely idea, but it was just strange for them to think such things. The idea of asking Zero to accompany me did occur to me, but after that mishap of words the other day and my recent treatment of him, I doubted that Zero would want to be anywhere near me.

Shrugging those thoughts off, I lifted up my wrist to check my watch. It was four o'clock in the afternoon. If I left now and did my shopping diligently, then I'd probably make it back to the dormitories before curfew.

I didn't realize until later that I wouldn't be back at the Sun Dormitory as planned.

* * *

My classmate was right. I did my shopping alone with Yuuki gone. I tried to be optimistic about it. I thought things like, "With Yuuki gone, my shopping won't take twice as long," or "I can worry about my own shopping instead of worrying over Yuuki purchasing anything unnecessary." When I thought things like that, it made things a little easier, but at the same time, it did make things very difficult.

I shook my head in an effort to shake off these distracting thoughts. Just buy what you need to return to the academy, Sayori, I told myself. Don't dally away. Remember, there's some kind of serial killer on the loose too… As I made my purchases—a few books and a new coat for the winter holidays to replace one that had been worn out—I couldn't help but wonder if the serial killer was possibly a vampire. If it was, then Zero would take care of it, wouldn't he?

The Hunter's Association and their need to hunt down vampires… Sure, it was a necessity, but what about the vampires who were good? What about Yuuki? If, given the chance, Zero would never even think of harming Yuuki. That would be impossible… wouldn't it?

I frowned. Telling myself to stop thinking of distracting thoughts only made me think of more distracting thoughts. I took a stop by the park and placed my purchased items on a nearby bench. I checked my watch again. It was a quarter to five o'clock. I pursed my lips. A quarter till the newly changed curfew… I better be on my way.

As I turned to gather my belongings, someone had stepped in my way and placed a strong hold on the collar of my coat. "You shouldn't be all alone, little girl… Aren't you being careless?" the man murmured so closely that I could feel his breath over me.

I shuddered and struggled in his grip. "L-Let go of me…," I hissed.

"Not after I get what I came here for."

"T-Take my bags and go! I don't want any trouble—"

"—Now, now! I don't want _that_," the man replied, grinning as he leaned closer towards me. "What I want… is _your blood!_"

Without thinking, I kicked him in the shin. He backed away in surprise and pain while I stumbled back and fell to my knees. I shook my head furiously and made a run for it, abandoning my recent purchases and my purse. They didn't matter right now. The only thing that mattered was that that guy had to be the serial killer everyone's been talking about, and I had to get out of here, before curfew or not. I ran through the park, desperately trying to find a way out. My eyes darted left and right. I had been to this park several times, but right now, it felt like a green maze of trees and bushes, suffocating me. Come on, I told myself. Don't panic. Be rational. I shook my head. How can I be rational _with a serial killer chasing me?_

I flinched. I didn't hear any footsteps behind me. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't heard the man chasing me this entire time. I stopped running and panted, trying to catch my breath. I bit my lip and braced myself as I spun around to face to serial killer, only to find no one instead.

I wiped sweat off of my forehead. Where was he? Was that kick to the shin really that effective? A chill ran down my spine. It was quiet. Too quiet.

A wild gust of wind pushed past me, and before I could even move, I found myself being cornered to a light post by the serial killer. He pinned my arms above my head with one hand while he used his other hand to cup my chin. He pressed his left leg against both of my own to prevent me from kicking him again. I struggled to move, but he only laughed at my attempt.

"That wasn't very nice, you know, kicking me like that…," the man said. "You're something else, aren't you…?"

"You… You're the serial killer, aren't you…?" I stuttered hoarsely. The man grinned. "Y-You're a _vampire_… a-aren't you…?" His grin only grew wider with wild anticipation and wild curiosity.

The man tilted his head. "Now, you're _really_ something else!" he exclaimed. "I thought I'd just suck you dry to piss off that little hunter that keeps murdering us left and right, but now I'm _really_ gonna enjoy this!"

I gulped. He meant Zero. This man must've seen me with Zero before.

The serial killer's hand lowered to the collar of my coat as he flipped the collar to reveal my bare neck. His fingers traced slowly down my throat down to my collarbone. My breath stifled. I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared—I chanted this over and over in my head in hopes of convincing myself of this to no avail.

"I can feel it… The blood coursing through you… I want it so much, but… I don't want to kill you so easily. Where's the fun in that?" the man told me lowly as he whispered in my ear. "I'm going to _ruin_ you. I'm going to make you _scream_. I want you to hear yourself in anguish… and I want _him_ to hear too! And when he does, he'll come to looking for you… but when he finds you, it'll already be too late…!"

I gritted my teeth together and cursed in my mind as I tried to struggle again, but the man only dug his fingers into my skin. I tried to gasp for air, but I couldn't breathe. I tried to reassure myself, but I couldn't think. There was nothing I could do. All I could do was stand there, pinned to the light post while the serial killer eagerly leered at me.

The man laughed and grabbed a fist full of my brownish blond hair with his free hand and yanked at it, causing me to lift my head and wince. His eyes met mine, and I could see his hungering lust for blood waiting to devour me whole—the hungering desire to kill.

"But first, a little taste wouldn't hurt, would it?" he murmured, smiling slyly as he opened his mouth to reveal his fangs. "But once I've tasted you… I might not be able to stop…!"

I shut my eyes, unable to watch what would proceed next.

A gunshot filled the air as my heart skipped a beat and my eyes shot open to find the serial killer writhing on the ground as he clutched onto his side as dust escaped his fingers. I stared with wide eyes as I fell to my knees in shock.

"You filthy creature… To even _think_ of touching _her_…," a familiar voice growled to my left.

My eyes flickered. It was Zero's voice.

I slowly turned only to find Takamiya-sensei kneeling beside me, extending a hand out. In his other hand held my purse and purchases. "We found your belongings while hunting down that Level E vampire," he said, helping me up. "It's a good thing we came here in time. Any later, and… well, it's a good thing we found you, Wakaba-kun…" I bit my lip and wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to stop my skin from rattling. Takamiya-sensei turned from me. "… Isn't that right, _Zero?_"

I slowly lifted my head to find Zero with a silver gun clenched in his fingertips and his eyes glaring intensely. I had seen Zero worried and frustrated before, but I had never seen him angry. Not this angry. Not like this. Never like this.

"I'll take her back to the academy, Zero," Takamiya-sensei called out at him. "You report this kill to the Association."

But as Takamiya-sensei took me away, Zero's gaze didn't waver in the slightest. He continued to stare at the dying vampire that began to turn to dust with eyes filled with perpetual hatred. That day, something scarred me. It wasn't serial killer or what he had planned to do to me.

It was the haunting face Zero made.

He had the same eyes as that man.

He had the eyes that hungered for death… and for blood.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	3. A Dangerous Discovery

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Thank you for all the reviews! They really get me excited whenever I write a new chapter. To be honest, I actually have a few future chapters already written up, but I'm still tweaking them out because there are so many ways I can progress the story right now. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's a bit of a turning point, so please enjoy. :]

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

"You should be more careful, Wakaba-kun," Takamiya-sensei warned me as he made a left turn on the next street corner towards Cross Academy. "You were lucky this time. But next time… you might not be so lucky."

Normally, I disliked being scolded, but I could barely nod as I sat in the passenger seat, still drained from the events that had just happened.

"As Zero told you before when you insisted on keeping your memories intact, your knowledge of existence of vampires is a risk on your life. Today, you were forced to see those vampires as the monsters they really were—blood-lusting, disgusting creatures that need to be destroyed. I hope this teaches you a lesson, Wakaba-kun. Not all vampires are as nice as that… pureblood friend of yours. Remember that."

I didn't like it, how Takamiya-sensei implicated _her_ like that—implicated Yuuki like that—but I held my tongue and said nothing of this. Takamiya-sensei always seemed so calm and collected, but right now, it seemed almost as though his façade was slowly coming off. This side of him—this side that revealed his intense disgust towards vampires—was not something new. I had witnessed it once before when I first met him, but his reaction reminded me of Zero's annoyed face whenever I had asked about Yuuki or about the vampires.

"Yes… Thank you, Takamiya-sensei."

"Don't thank me. I wasn't the one who killed that vampire. The one you should be thanking is Zero."

"Zero-kun…," I whispered softly.

A glimpse of that stare of his flashed into my mind. I batted my eyes and shook my head furiously.

Takamiya-sensei glanced at me, but he said nothing as he parked his vehicle into the parking lot. He stepped out and walked over to the other side to open the door for me. I stepped outside, carrying my bags and my purse. Takamiya-sensei stared at me. "Do you need any help getting to the Sun Dormitory?" he asked me. "I made a call to the Chairman to tell your dormitory leader that you were late for curfew with an excused tardiness."

I shook my head. "It's all right, sensei. I'm fine," I reassured him. I didn't want to bother Takamiya-sensei any longer, and I knew he'd rather not be in my company for much longer either. He was trying to hide it, but I could sense his irritation. It would probably be for the best for us to separate for now.

"Go on straight to the dormitories, then," Takamiya-sensei replied and walked away. "I have to inform Cross and Yagari about that vampire."

The walk to the Sun Dormitory felt like forever. Each step I took felt heavy like someone poured sand into my shoes, weighing me down. Because it was already late in the afternoon, I didn't pass by too many people. I was grateful for that. I didn't want anyone to see me in such a state. Once I reached my dorm room, I dropped my bags on the floor and fell onto my bed, and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I actually cried. I couldn't the last time I cried. Perhaps, it was when I reunited with Yuuki. I was overwhelmed that time too, but this time was different. This time, I wasn't so sure why I was crying.

Was it because of that vampire who frightened me?

Was it because I had seen a side to Zero that I regretted seeing at all?

… Or was it because I was afraid that I might one day grow to fear Yuuki for being a vampire?

* * *

It was late in the evening when I heard a knock at the door of my dorm room. I sat up on my bed and smoothed a lock of my brownish blond hair behind my ear. I paused, unable to say a thing. After a moment of silence, I glanced at the door and sighed. I had better say something before the person at the door leaves.

"It's open," I said, already knowing just who was in the hall. "You can come in… _Zero-kun_."

Zero opened the door and stood by the doorway like he always would. His hand would clench the doorknob as he casually leaned against the door. For almost a year now, Zero made a habit of seeing me before leaving to his apartment in the city or after he finished an assignment from the Hunters Association. He would visit me at least a few times each week. This routine started about a week after Yuuki left.

"Sorry for visiting so late," he said. "Were you sleeping?"

"Just a little bit, but not really," I reassured him, so Zero wouldn't feel like he was intruding, even though he kind of was.

Just as he would visit me, Zero stared at me like he always would—with a typical bored expression, and at the same time, it was almost as though he wasn't looking at me at all. Sometimes, his gaze wouldn't meet my eyes. Sometimes, I wondered just what he was staring at. Zero would always be a sort of enigma to me that I could never hope to unravel. It was a little disappointing, but I tried to accept it.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to act nonchalantly. Zero must have returned from his Association work. "You could have waited until homeroom to see me," I suggested to him teasingly.

Zero narrowed his gaze. "You know why I'm here," he reminded me. "Look, about today, Wakaba…"

I held a hand up to stop him. I didn't want him to finish what he was about to say. I don't know if I would be able to stand it. "You really don't have to keep checking on me, Zero-kun," I interrupted him, forcing out a smile. "You're already busy as it is with that hunter business of yours and your supplementary classes that have certainly been piling up. It seems you spend what scarce free time you have left visiting the horses and visiting me, and the horses _must_ be getting jealous."

"Hey… Stop kidding around. It's different this time. You were just attacked. If you need someone to talk to—"

"—I'm fine."

"Wakaba—"

"—I said, I'm _fine_, Zero-kun. Really, sometimes you can be just like a child. You worry too much for your own good."

Zero frowned. He pursed his lips and turned away, flexing his free hand. "I know you've been attacked by a vampire before, but this attack must have been a little… traumatic for you. It was unexpected, and we almost didn't rescue you in time," he advised me carefully, crossing his arms. "So, instead of trying to bottle up whatever distress you're feeling, you should just tell me what's going through your mind."

"And what good would _that_ do?" I hissed bitterly. "_You_ go through so much, and you never open up to _anyone_."

"Well, we're not talking about _me_ right now."

"Well, _I_ don't talk about _me_ right now."

Zero sighed. He knew this was going nowhere.

"Why do you keep helping me? Why do you keep checking up on me?" I questioned, looking up at him. "I… I don't regret what I said to you the other day… because it's true. We're not friends. We were never… friends."

"Hey, we're—"

"—It was _Yuuki_. You and I both know that. It was Yuuki. Yuuki was the only thing we shared, and with her gone… We don't really have anything in common, now do we?" I hissed, shaking my head. "So, why do you insist on… on doing this? Honestly, it's not like I mind your company, but…" My fists crumpled into my bed sheets. "… D-Do you _pity_ me, Zero-kun? Is _that_ it?"

Zero blinked. "Pity you?" he repeated.

"You… visit me because you think I'm _lonely_, don't you? That's it, right?" I muttered distastefully. "I'm not some kind of charity case, Zero-kun. I… I'm not lonely. You don't have to keep doing this. I'm fine, so I think you should just leave—"

Then, Zero did something I didn't expect. He shut the door. I flinched. He never closed the door behind him when visiting me before. He never so much as really entered the dorm room at all. I always thought it was because this was the dorm room I had shared with Yuuki. So, why was he entering the room now, of all times?

My heart skipped a beat as another glimpse of Zero's hateful eyes flashed through my mind.

"Zero-kun, what are you doing…?" I could barely ask.

"Do you really think… I'm that _selfless_… Wakaba Sayori?" Zero murmured as he took slow steps forward while never avoiding my gaze. "It's actually quite the opposite. I'm a selfish person, and a greedy one at that. I was greedy with Yuuki, and now I'm being greedy with _you_." His steps finally reached my bedside. He stood there, staring me down. "The truth is I don't check up on you because I think you're lonely. I check up on you… because _I'm_ the lonely one. With Yuuki gone, I needed something to hold onto… something to cling to, or I knew I would surely drown. You're that thing, Wakaba. … You're my replacement for Yuuki."

A replacement… for Yuuki? My mind raced as I tried to process every word that Zero had just said to no avail. This was a different Zero speaking with me, a Zero I had never seen before. He wasn't quite the Zero that I regretted witnessing at the park, but the intense feelings flowing out of him were one and the same. But never once had I thought of Zero as "selfish" or "greedy." Why would Zero say something horrible about himself so easily?

Zero leaned in towards me and pressed his hands against my shoulders. "That's why… I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not as selfless as you make me out to be. I don't even think I'm a good person," he told me lowly, pausing for a moment before adding. "In fact… I wouldn't even mind it if you hated me… Wakaba."

My heart began to pound. "Zero-kun… Why are you saying that…?"

"Because… you're going to _hate_ me for what I'm going to do next."

"W-What? S-Stop talking nonsense, Zero-kun… Just what are you—"

In that split-second, Zero lunged his head forward.

His mouth dove into the space between my neck and collarbone. My body trembled as I felt something puncturing my skin and heard a curdling sound that hauntingly echoed in the room. I gasped as I realized my vision was beginning to blur. Sweat trickled down my face. As I began piecing together just what in the world was happening, I pulled enough strength to lift up my hands and attempt to push Zero off. But it was an attempt. No matter how hard I tried to shove him, Zero wouldn't budge as one of his hands coiled around my back while his other hand clung tightly around my shoulder, and my blurring vision and the difficulty to breathe only increased in both pain and speed.

Even with my vision darkening, I could still make out the drenched crimson liquid rolling down my shoulder and staining Zero's white collared shirt, my nightgown, and bed sheets. My eyes widened in horror.

It was blood.

My own blood.

"Zero…-kun… This isn't… Please…," I begged wearily.

Zero only tightened his hold on me. I gasped, chocking for air.

"Please…," I continued to plead with him. "Stop it… I-It hurts…"

Something flickered inside Zero's eyes as he slowly removed his bloodstained mouth from the space between my neck and collarbone and lifted his face to look at me. I strained to keep him in my sight. This was the Zero I was familiar with. These eyes of his right now… I recognized them. They were Zero's eyes.

"Zero-kun…," I whimpered, distraught. "What… just happened…?"

Wiping blood off of his face with his sleeve, Zero avoided my gaze. "I think you know what happened… and I think you know just what exactly I _am_," he muttered bitterly. "But Wakaba… I-I never meant for this to… I…"

I shook my head, but only found myself getting dizzy. I pressed my hand against my forehead as I tried to think. This didn't make sense. Why would Zero drink my… my… There was no way… Zero couldn't be a…

"Wakaba?"

"No, Zero-kun, you're… you're not… You can't be a… a…"

"Hey… Wakaba!"

Zero's voice calling out my name was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	4. Suffering

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** I had a few qualms with the last chapter. As much as I really wanted to make Chapter 3 a cliffhanger (a part of me wanted to end that chapter with Zero "lunging forward"), I really had no room to add everything else in this chapter, so I kept it in Chapter 3.

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

When I opened my eyes, my first thought was of a glimpse of my own blood.

My hand automatically reached for my neck, only to find a bandage patch on the space between my neck and collarbone. Perplexed, my eyes instinctively searched for traces of blood on my nightgown and bed sheets, but they were pristine and free from any stains of blood. I winced as I tried to make sense of what had happened. I was in my room… and Zero visited me… and he was telling me things I didn't understand… and then… My mind raced from the memory of his hateful eyes to the memory of the sight of my own blood.

"Ah, Sayori-kun. You're awake."

I flinched and turned to find the Chairman standing by my doorway. "Ch-Chairman Cross…," I stuttered with wide eyes. What was the Chairman doing here?

He smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"I-I'm okay. But why are you—"

"—Good. Zero and I were worried about you."

"Zero-kun…," I whispered.

Chairman Cross gestured me to relax. "He told me you weren't feeling well. You were dizzy and fell unconscious. We took you to the infirmary, and you were left with a nasty bruise on your neck," he explained with a sigh. "Kaito told me about the incident in the park. I fear you may have overexerted yourself, so perhaps it would be best of you rested until you've fully recuperated."

I blinked rapidly, not sure what to make of all this. The Chairman's explanation confused me. "I _fell_…?" I repeated, my eyebrows furrowing. "B-But… I remember blood. I remember a lot of blood! A-And Zero-kun… He…"

"It was probably all a bad dream, Sayori-kun. There's no need to dwell on it any longer."

I wanted to say more, but I didn't want to risk sounding like I was completely mad.

The Chairman continued to smile reassuringly. "You must be tired. I'll take my leave," he said. "You're excused from your classes today, so just rest, Sayori-kun."

I forced out a smile and nod, but when Chairman Cross shut the door, my smile faded. The Chairman is lying. I know he is. I'm remembering something he doesn't want me to remember. Come on, Sayori. Think, I told myself. What _really_ happened last night? Remember! I was in my room… and Zero visited me… and he was telling me these things I didn't understand… and then… Blood. How did the blood happen? And why was there so much of it? I scrunched my eyes shut as I desperately tried to recall last night's events. Zero… He… He did something. Something happened. He called out my name, didn't he…? And the blood… Zero… He…

My eyes widened.

Zero _bit_ me.

He bit me, and there was blood everywhere, and…

I clutched my blanket around myself. Why was the Chairman lying? I shook my head. I don't remember falling, but it was difficult remembering anything. I pressed my lips together. Zero _did_ bite me… right? I remembered the blood, so… My eyes narrowed as I glanced at the bandage patch.

Without a second thought, I ripped it off. It hurt doing that, but what I found hurt even more. There was no bruise. In the space between my neck and my collarbone were two distinct and deep holes. I reluctantly pressed my fingers against them. A chill ran down my spine.

Zero really did… He…

I lifted up my head. I hastily put back the bandage patch over the two holes and jumped out of bed with only one thought in mind.

… Zero.

* * *

Zero wasn't at the horse stables or at a desolate area in one of the corridors or in the courtyard like I thought he'd be. From what my classmates told me, he skipped classes and didn't show up all day. He wasn't at the Chairman's office either. There was really only one other place I could think of—Zero's apartment, the apartment he convinced Chairman Cross to allow him to have in the city. No one really knows about this. I had never been there before myself, but when I went shopping with Zero once a few months ago, he pointed the apartment out when we passed by it. That had to be it. I was somewhat hesitant to venture into the city after that vampire attack yesterday, but right now, under the circumstances, it was least of my problems. Right now, Zero mattered to me the most.

I stood by the door to his apartment for what felt like the longest time in the world. I didn't know why, but I couldn't find the courage to knock on his door. I just lingered there, weighing over what I should do, what I should say. Nothing came to mind.

"What are you doing here?" I heard Zero's voice from the other side of the door. "You shouldn't be here… Wakaba."

"Eh…?" The sound of Zero's voice made me flinch. How did he know I was here?

"I know it's you. I can _smell_ you."

I frowned. Smell me? Weird, but I decided to ignore what he had just said. "Zero-kun, we need to talk," I told him quietly.

"There's nothing to talk about," Zero replied.

He was shutting me out again. How typical of him. I pursed my lips and twisted the knob on the door, only to find that it was unlocked. I opened the door to find Zero slumped on his bed with a metal container in his hand. Small round-like pills were scattered on his bed and the floor. I was a little disturbed by the sight of him in such a state. Zero must have noticed my staring because he avoided my gaze.

"What are you doing here, Wakaba?" he questioned me. "Why are you here?"

Strange. It felt strange. It was like our roles were reversed. This time, I was the one visiting Zero. This time, I was the one who was considered a bother. I wasn't sure what to make of this abrupt change.

"We need to talk about what happened last night," I repeated firmly.

"Nothing happened last night."

"You might have gotten the Chairman to go along with that little lie of yours, but I remember what happened. Maybe you should have erased my memory while you had the chance… because I'm not leaving until we talk about this," I persisted. I turned and shut the door behind me, locking it.

I looked over my shoulder and stole a glance at Zero, who slightly twitched by my bold move. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to fix things, Zero-kun," I told him with a sigh. "So, why are you trying to pushing me away?"

He glared at me. "I'm pushing you away, Wakaba… because I'm _still hungry_," Zero gritted his teeth.

I flinched. I didn't expect that. "You… You won't bite me again, Zero-kun," I insisted, shaking my head. "I know you won't."

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because I believe in you… even if _you_ don't."

Zero stared at me, meeting my gaze for once. "I was never always like this. I was turned into one when I was a kid. The Chairman tried to prolong my humanity for as long as he could," he explained. "Yuuki… was my _victim_, Wakaba. She let me feed off of her to quench my growing blood thirst. Now killing vampires and the tablets are the only things that can barely sustain myself."

"What are those, anyway?" I muttered, wanting to distract myself from all of these revelations. "Those pills…"

"They're blood tablets. They're a substitute for blood to ease the hunger of vampires."

I narrowed my gaze. This was a lot to take, maybe even a little harder than everything Zero told me last night. "Zero-kun, what did you mean yesterday?" I asked, taking a step forward. "What did you mean when you said… that I was a replacement for Yuuki?"

Zero looked down at the metal container in his hands. "I thought… that if I began relying on you, then little by little, you could replace my longing for Yuuki," he admitted quietly.

Yuuki… Her absence continued to pain him as much as it pained me. "You're suffering, aren't you, Zero-kun?" I realized. "Without her… Without Yuuki…"

Zero gulped down more blood tablets. I clasped my hands together as I decided something deep inside myself.

"I'm suffering too. I lied about yesterday, Zero-kun. I'm not fine. I never was. I'm lonely too," I reassured him softly. I walked over to Zero and placed my hands over the metal container he held.

Zero lifted his head too look at me. "Wakaba?"

All this time, Zero had been suffering too. Never once had it occurred to me that he was the lonely one with Yuuki gone. I knew he missed Yuuki. I just never realized the extent of his yearning. Never once had it occurred to be that Zero had been in pain this entire time, struggling to retain what little humanity he had left. I really had been blind. Blind and selfish. And foolish too.

I inhaled stiffly and turned away. My fingertips climbed to my clothes, and I began unbuttoning my uniform. After I removed my black blazer and red ribbon, I moved my fingers to unbutton my white collared shirt when I felt Zero's hands from behind me, gripping onto my arms.

"What do you think you're doing, Wakaba?" he pressed.

"Zero-kun…," I said. "Take my blood." Zero spun me around. He glared at me intensely, searching for answers. "I may not be able to quench your thirst, but if it stops your suffering… even for a little while… then—"

"—Wakaba… You just said you believed in me. You said I wasn't going to bite you. … I'm _not_ going to bite you."

"That was before I realized how much you've been going through. I think we've both been being selfish, Zero-kun."

I gently removed his hands from my arms. I continued to unbutton my white collared shirt half way and let it slip off of my shoulder and sag by my waist, revealing my bra and midriff. Zero turned away. It was probably out of modesty. Never in my life had I ever exposed myself like this before. I should have felt embarrassed, but I didn't. I felt calm. Absolutely calm and utterly determined.

"You don't know what you're saying," Zero tried to convince me. "This is enough. This—your company… That was enough for me."

"But it's not enough for you now, isn't it?"

"…"

"Let me do this."

"Why? We… We're not even friends."

I smiled at Zero. "We may not be friends, but we don't have to be friends to do this. We'll just give and take. There's all there is to it," I told him, placing my hands against his arms. "Besides… I'm Yuuki's replacement, remember? So, go ahead, Zero-kun."

Zero lowered his head and pressed his forehead against mine. "Wakaba…," he muttered.

I looked up at him and continued to smile. "Let's suffer together, Zero-kun…," I whispered. "… Okay?"

He paused for a moment as our eyes met. Then Zero complied and sank his teeth into my neck once more.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	5. Close Distance

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** To spread a new New Years cheer, I decided to update _Left Behind_ a little earlier than usual. _Left _Behind is a special case for me. I constantly write several chapters ahead of time so I can see where each chapter is going and whether the current plot should head a certain way or not. I've had this chapter finished about two weeks ago, but I always go back and forth, seeing if tweaking things is necessary or not. Oh, and for an anonymous reviewer who asked this question recently, "Zeki" is the portmanteau couple name for Zero/Yuuki, and "Yume" is the portmanteau couple name for Kaname/Yuuki. Likewise, "Zori" is those who ship Zero/Yori together. :]

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

This routine between Zero and me continued through the next several weeks. We met in empty halls or in desolate areas, within undisturbed rooms and under stairwells. We communicated through muttering mouths and whispering words, through stolen glances and small gestures that only we should decipher. We weren't friends. I just want to make that clear. We weren't even close, but this was the closest we got to… well, anything, really. From an outsider's perspective, we must have looked like secret lovers rendezvousing, but from my perspective, we were simply two people supporting each other the only way we knew how.

Zero's growing presence in my life slowed filled the seeming abyssal void that Yuuki left behind deep inside me, but it wasn't enough to ease my loneliness. It was only enough to barely tolerate the pain. Zero probably felt the same. My blood was only a substitute after all, and so was I. I wasn't Yuuki, but I was enough to barely tolerate his quench. We'd give and we'd take. That was what our relationship had become.

No one was to know of this. It was a secret only we could know.

It was a secret… that would begin to weave itself into something that at the time neither of us could have possibly predicted.

* * *

"Sayori-chan. Sayori-chan, are you listening?"

I blinked. "Eh?"

I turned to find myself walking down the outer hall across the courtyard alongside of one of my English classmates—Ame Yamamoto. She had raven black hair wrapped in two, neat pigtails and had brown eyes. I didn't know her fairly well because she had transferred in the middle of this semester, but since she sat in the row in front of me in English class, we were bound to converse at certain points. She seemed friendly, but ever since Yuuki was gone, I wasn't really trying to make any friends.

"Could I copy your notes from last week?" Ame repeated, sighing. "I was absent the last two days with a cold, and I so don't want to fail that up-coming English exam. Please, Sayori-chan. You'd really be helping me out!"

That's right. It was already the end of classes, and Ame had suggested that we walk to the dormitories together, and that was what we were doing. I wondered why I was spacing out, now of all times. That wasn't like me. I tried to shake off the slight dizziness I was feeling and turned towards my classmate.

"Sure," I replied, nodding as I handed her my English notebook. "Just return it to me tomorrow in homeroom, okay? I need to study too."

Ame grinned. "Thank you so much, Sayori-chan!" she exclaimed, giggling. "You're such a lifesaver!"

I smiled. "I'm just happy to help," I reassured her lightly.

I didn't really spend too much time with any of my classmates, but it was nice to feel needed and to help someone out. It made me a little happy to of some service and to have someone feel gratitude towards it for once. I wasn't looking to make friends, but I didn't want to be secluded from socializing either.

"Say, Sayori-chan… Are you coming down with something too? You look a little pale."

"Do I?"

"Yeah. Well, maybe I'm just seeing things."

"Mm. Maybe."

Was I really getting pale? I frowned. I hadn't noticed. What a strange thing for Ame to notice and for me to not notice at all. Sure, I've been getting occasionally dizzy and unfocused, but it couldn't be because of…

"Hey, can you tell me something, Sayori-chan? What's going on between Kiryuu-san and you?" Ame abruptly asked.

I paused, letting the question process in my head. I stared at Ame, confused. "Kiryuu-san? You mean, Zero-kun?"

"Yeah, that scary-looking guy in our English class."

"What do you mean?"

"Eh? Don't _you_ think he's scary-looking? Kiryuu-san glares all the time and has this terrible attitude that drives people away! He's always late to class, or sleeping in class, and sometimes he doesn't show up to class at all! He's a delinquent, isn't he? And isn't it strange that no one seems to complain about his weird silver hair too, and—"

"—I _know_ he's scary. That's just how he is. But that's not what I meant. What did you mean by Zero-kun and me?"

Ame tilted her head. "Well, you two spend an awful lot of time together," she explained, shrugging. "People are starting to gossip."

I sighed. Rumors again? … How unnecessary. "Really, it's nothing like that at all," I insisted flatly. "We're just…"

My mind went blank. What _were_ we? I couldn't say we were friends because we weren't. I could say acquaintances, but I felt we were more than that too. I was bothered by this. I couldn't think of a word to define my relationship with Zero. Usually, I always had an answer for this, but now… We weren't friends, but we weren't acquaintances, and we certainly weren't strangers. So, what were we? What word could I define my relationship with Zero?

"_Just…?_" Ame repeated, perplexed.

I forced out a smile. "He's a friend of a friend. That's all," I reassured her. It was the only thing I could think of to say. That was what we technically were, anyway—mutual friends of Yuuki's—but that answer didn't feel right to me either. Well, it didn't matter. I already said it. It's not like I could take it back now.

"Good. If you were dating Kiryuu-san, I would've said you had a bad taste in guys!" Ame teased, giggling.

I chuckled under my breath. That was a little amusing. I wonder if that comment would strike a nerve with Yuuki. It certainly wouldn't for me. "I'm not really looking for a relationship. It's a little unnecessary for someone like me," I explained.

"For someone like you?"

"Yes."

"You can sure be cryptic sometimes, Sayori-chan."

"Really? I try not to be."

I'm not really snarky unless I'm with Yuuki, but it was fun to talk to Ame. She wasn't Yuuki, but she was nice.

Ame and I were about to exit into the courtyard when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and we turned to find Zero behind us. I flinched. I knew Zero was one for making quiet entrances, but I wasn't expecting to see him here.

"Ah… Zero-kun," I said, staring at him in surprise.

I wondered if he overheard our conversation. I glanced at Ame. She looked a little sheepish. I guess she was worried Zero overheard all of her nasty comments about him. None of the Day Class girls usually insulted Zero directly _to his face_. After all, Zero could be a scary guy when he wanted to be. Zero ignored Ame, his eyes solely on me. His hand stayed on my shoulder. I could feel pressure rattling my skin. I pressed my lips together.

He was _hungry_.

"Wakaba, can we talk?" he asked me.

I paused and nodded. "Uh, sure," I replied and turned to Ame. "Sorry, Ame-san. Just remember to return my notes tomorrow."

Ame reassured me it was all right and left for the dormitories, leaving Zero and me in the outer hall.

I turned to look at Zero, and after a moment of silence, I took his hand and led him over to an empty room on campus. Since it was the afternoon, I knew many students were already in the dormitories, doing extra-curricular activities, or off in the city. The academy halls itself were scarce of peers, which meant Zero and I could continue our simple routine without any intrusions.

This time, Zero's feeding had grown longer than usual. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't painful, but I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared of Zero. I was already used to this routine of ours. This was my choice. I couldn't go back on this. I chose to suffer with Zero, so it wasn't my place to say I was scared. Because I wasn't.

I wasn't scared.

Zero could be a scary guy.

He was scary to the Day Class girls and Ame, but not to me. Not to me.

"Hey… Zero-kun… You're drinking a little more than usual… aren't you?" I muttered uneasily as I felt sweat roll down my face. My breathing became raspy and dry. "Look, that's enough… okay?" But Zero didn't stop. He ignored me and continued to quench his thirst. I winced and my hands clung to his arms as I tried to bare the pain. Why wasn't he listening to me? Usually, he didn't take in this much blood… Zero… "Zero-kun… Enough…," I whispered and tried to struggle out of his grip as I yelled, "I-I said, enough…!"

Zero turned and looked at me, his pale face tainted with blood. His glare practically screamed at me.

His eyes made me shrink and feel small. In front of Zero, all my reasoning became insignificant. I suddenly felt ashamed and guilt-ridden for raising my voice at him. After a moment of silence, Zero wiped his mouth and turned away. I looked down and avoided Zero's piercing gaze as I let my hands linger against Zero's shoulders.

"Did something happen, Zero-kun?" I asked him quietly, refusing to look him in the eye. "Something happened… didn't it?"

Zero didn't usually act this. I wondered if it had something to do with vampires or the Association. Or maybe… could it possibly have something to do with Yuuki? But, of course, I couldn't ask that.

"It's nothing…," Zero muttered. "Sorry. I was taking too much blood, wasn't I?"

"Not really. You just surprised me. That's all."

"…"

I knew Zero wouldn't tell me anything. Our relationship may have changed slightly, but we still weren't close. Close enough to confide to each other. Close enough to rely on each other. A part of me still yearned for Zero to just open up to me, just this once. But another part of me was already convinced that he never would. And so, I had to lie. I didn't want to hurt Zero. He really wasn't taking too much blood. It was more than usual, but it didn't hurt… too much. I could have bared it a little while longer. Maybe I shouldn't have been too hard on him. After all, Zero had already suffered enough.

I pursed my lips. This awkward silence was getting us nowhere. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to act casual. "Hey, let's study for the English exam together," I suggested sweetly. "I don't have my notes, but I figured that even Zero-kun could take notes, so we could use yours. We could study at my dorm room or at your apartment. Even the library's okay. What do you say?"

"Sorry, I have work with the Association," Zero mentioned.

I dabbed whatever remains of blood on a handkerchief and shoved it in my bag before buttoning up my white collared shirt. "Of course, Zero-kun is _really_ popular. It was foolish of me to think I could have Zero-kun all to myself."

I was about to reach for my blazer when Zero bent down and picked it up for me. I took it without looking at him.

"Wakaba…," Zero began, frowning.

"I better get going, then. See you tomorrow, Zero-kun," I interrupted and hurried out the door before Zero could say anything else.

I wouldn't be able to stand it if he did. I wasn't disappointed. I really wasn't. I had no expectations of Zero. I knew our relationship was the same as always. Nothing really changed. We were just as distant as we were weeks ago. We still weren't friends. Never friends.

So, why do I always bring my hopes up for nothing at all?

* * *

I lied on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I couldn't concentrate on my bookwork, and I really didn't feel like going to the library to study. I wasn't ready to go shopping in the city either, considering the last time I went I was attacked by a vampire. So, I ended up lying there and remain in the depths of my thoughts.

And when I thought about it, I realized that without Yuuki, I didn't have too many people to turn to.

There was a fine line between classmates and friends, and though I socialized with my classmates—such as Ame—out of necessity, they were just classmates. Not friends. For the past year, the Chairman's been good to me too, but I know there are things he's been holding back. I've always suspected that he knows where Yuuki is, but I've never had the heart to ask. Takamiya-sensei's been a great deal of help to me too. There is still something a little unnerving about him, but I'm trying to ignore it.

And then, there was Zero. He was a person who I had complete faith in and understood me, but at the same time, a person who would ultimately always be out of my reach.

I rolled my eyes and sat up. I didn't really feel like thinking about Zero right now. I didn't _want_ to think about Zero right now. I scanned my bed. My black blazer lied folded at the end of my bed, and an English textbook and several worksheets were sprawled around my bed sheets. I frowned. Studying might be a little difficult without my notes. I shrugged. Well, this was better than nothing, I guess.

As I opened my English textbook, I heard a knock at the door. I lifted up my head, perplexed. Was Ame here to return my notebook? Huh, a little weird. I got off of my bed and walked over to the door. "Is that you, Ame-san?" I called as I walked over to the door. "You sure copy notes fast…"

Standing at the doorway was Zero.

I blinked. "Eh…? Zero… -kun?" I asked.

Zero stepped inside. "Sorry, my notes aren't that great…," he muttered as he shut the door behind him. I instinctively took a step back to give him space. He turned and handed me his notebook. "… But I guess this'll do."

I stared at Zero in disbelief. "Zero-kun?" I repeated as I glanced down at the notebook in my hand and then at the silver haired boy standing in front of me. I spun around, attempting to clear my head. "Wh-What are you doing here?"

"My visits shouldn't be a surprise, Wakaba."

"Uh, I thought you had Association work…"

"I didn't have much work to do, so I thought I'd take you up on that study thing."

"Oh. That's… good."

I looked over my shoulder to see Zero frowning. He probably didn't like my reaction.

I wasn't jumping-for-joy happy, but I wasn't bothered by Zero's presence. I wasn't expecting Zero to be here, but that didn't mean I didn't want him here. I hoped he didn't get the wrong idea. I'm… glad that Zero's here. It's different and it's strange, but it's different and it's strange in a good way. I didn't mind it.

Zero shrugged it off and sat on the bed across from mine—Yuuki's bed. I slowly walked over to mine and sat down. I wondered what Zero was thinking. Was it strange for him to be sitting on Yuuki's bed like that? Did it bother him or was it nostalgic for him?

"_Her_ scent…," Zero whispered under his breath. "… It's gone."

"What?"

"This room… There's no trace of _her_ here."

Her. He meant Yuuki. Obviously. I should have known. I began flipping through his notebook to busy myself. "The custodians cleaned the room and changed the bed sheets during the holidays, so I guess it can't be helped," I explained matter-of-factly. "The Chairman was going to arrange another roommate for me this semester, but I declined."

Zero looked up at the ceiling and said nothing.

I didn't want to say it, but the absence of Yuuki's… er, "scent" probably had more to do with the absence of Yuuki herself than anything else. But Zero was right. When I was in this room, I couldn't "feel" Yuuki either.

"Zero-kun, why don't you sit here with me?" I suggested, trying to break the ice. "You can't study all the way over there. We're sharing your notebook, remember?"

After pausing for a moment, Zero walked over and slumped down next to me. Zero was right. His notes weren't A-student material, but it wasn't too shabby. If Zero focused on his schoolwork more and his hunter business just a tad less, I'm sure he could ace any class he'd put his mind to. His penmanship wasn't sloppy either. I always figured boys' handwriting was, but Zero's handwriting was actually pretty decent. I giggled. I was getting a little stereotypical, wasn't I?

"What's so funny?" Zero asked, raising an eyebrow as he skimmed through my English textbook.

I shook my head. "It's nothing," I reassured him. He probably wouldn't get it if I told him anyway.

"It doesn't _sound_ like nothing."

"I was just surprised. For a boy, Zero-kun has good handwriting."

"_Handwriting?_" Zero repeated as he stopped skimming pages. "That's a little weird."

"I guess it is. You can just forget about it," I insisted as I looked through more notes. "Okay, so I think Chapter 10 and 11 will be on the exam. I think we'll be fine if we memorize the vocabulary and the important facts for now because the test is just multiple choice and an essay portion. Did you take notes on those chapters?"

"If you can't find it in my notebook, I probably skipped that class."

"Hm."

It was strange. For once, Zero and I were talking without the conversation getting awkward or sour. We were both being amiable and civil.

We were actually… getting along.

It was almost as if we were actually… friends.

But we _weren't_ friends. That was the thing. We were never friends, and I just don't think we ever will be. After having my hopes brought up and shot down several times, I've grown to accept that already. I didn't like how Zero would sometimes pull me in and then push me out. It wasn't fair. I'm sure he wasn't aware of how his words and actions would affect me, but that didn't make me feel any better. I sighed. Why was I getting so worked up over something so… so unnecessary to get worked up over?

"… I overheard what you were talking with that girl about," Zero mentioned.

"I didn't know Zero-kun was one to eavesdrop. How rude," I teased him nonchalantly.

I secretly cringed. Which part of the conversation did he eavesdrop to? Did he overhear Ame saying how scary and weird Zero was, or did he overhear Ame's assumption that Zero and I were more than just friends? Either way, Zero probably wasn't going to react well to either one. He was probably annoyed. I groaned in my head, waiting for Zero's response.

"What did you mean by a relationship being unnecessary… for someone like you?"

"Eh?"

My jaw opened slightly. _That_ was all he eavesdropped to?

"What did you mean by that?" Zero asked again, staring at me.

I pursed my lips. How was I going to explain this? I don't really mention this to people because I didn't feel a need to, but I supposed that Zero deserved an answer of some sort. "Well, I'm not looking for a relationship because I'm in no position to have one… You see, I'm already _in one_," I told him. "Didn't Yuuki tell you? Zero-kun… I'm—"

A sudden knock came at the door, causing both of us to flinch. For a split-second, I considered whether to answer it or not before I realized how silly and rude that would seem. Maybe this time it would be Ame, though I hoped it wouldn't be her. She'd probably jump into conclusions if she saw Zero in my room. I opened the door, only to find someone I didn't expect.

"Ta… kamiya-sensei…?" I asked.

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to borrow your non-friend," Takamiya-sensei said.

He didn't look at me. He was looking over my shoulder – towards Zero inside the room instead. I glanced back at Zero and frowned. In trouble again, it seems.

"Zero, remember that little meeting we have today? Come on. We can't really start without _you_, now can we?" Takamiya-sensei sneered, as if there was some sort of inside joke that I was left out of.

I flinched.

"_Uh, I thought you had Association work…"_

"_I didn't have much work to do, so I thought I'd take you up on that study thing."_

Zero… Don't tell you…

I stared at him in disbelief.

Don't tell me you skipped your meeting… _for me_.

Zero stood up and shrugged his shoulders. "Must have slipped my mind," he muttered dejectedly, approaching the doorway. Our eyes briefly met until Zero avoided my gaze. "Sorry, Wakaba. Keep my notes."

I took a step back to let him out. He was half way out of the doorway when I said, "Zero-kun, it's not nice to lie. Please don't come if you have better things to do." Zero paused for a moment. He was probably contemplating another apology or a cocky remark, but ended up saying nothing and followed Takamiya-sensei down the hall.

I was about to shut the door when I accidentally overheard their conversation.

"So, she's the replacement for your precious pureblood, eh, Zero?" I heard Takamiya-sensei's voice question insincerely.

"… What of it?" Zero responded after pausing for a moment.

"Nothing. Don't mean to pry, but I feel a little sorry for the girl."

I didn't dare to listen to the rest of their conversation.

I shut the door before I could hear Zero's reply.

* * *

**a/n: **Yuuki will be gaining more emphasis in the next chapter, which I'm currently working on. It's almost completed, but I still have to tweak certain parts out. I'm trying to sort of replicate the "same feel" as Chapter 1; I feel that with the growing development (or lack of) between Zero and Yori, I haven't really been emphasizing Yuuki's presence as much as I used to.

**[rxr!]**


	6. Empty Desk II

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Why, oh, why are Zero and Yori always so conflicted with each other? Zero and Yori were never quite close to begin with, but they were civil with each other because of their mutual friendship with Yuuki. However, their agreement of Yori being "Yuuki's replacement" forces them into an intimacy that neither one is used to—this leads doubt and reluctance to confide in the other. I'll admit that Yori's a difficult character to write—especially in her perspective—because we really don't know that much about her other than being Yuuki's best friend. She thinks the Night Class are a little scary and would prefer someone in the Day Class instead, seems to be perceptive of Yuuki's and Zero's relationship, and if you've read the VK Fanbook, she's in an arranged engagement to someone she has never met and doesn't even know his name (which I was hinting at in the previous chapter). Yori may not look it, but I believe she must be suffering. She's estranged from her best friend who she's desperate to see, forced to keep the whole vampire thing a secret, and she's constantly left in the dark by Zero, who refuses to talk about anything Yuuki-related or vampire-related with her, and she's a human, and thus can never truly belong in Yuuki's world. [Sorry for the late update, everyone! Please be patient with me!]

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

Yuuki… It's really difficult without you.

Your empty desk is still the same.

If you were here, things would have been easier. I wouldn't hurt anymore, and I could still keep Zero at an arm's length like before. Everything was much more simpler with you here. But it's different now. I can't go back to that time. I've been placed in a position that I can't take back. I've volunteered to be your… "replacement." You'd probably laugh at the idea, but it was supposed to ease the loss that Zero and I shared ever since you left. But it still hurts, Yuuki. I don't think I can be like you. I'm not a strong person, and to be honest I don't think I can really help Zero in the long run.

And… I'm starting to think I can't be your substitute.

I've realized that it's too painful to watch Zero look at me… and think of you.

* * *

"Sorry about ruining your little play date last week, Wakaba-kun."

"Sensei, I already told you. There's nothing between Zero and me."

"Are you sure?" Takamiya-sensei teased me slyly, raising an eyebrow.

I sighed. "You don't give off the impression, but you can be quite _mean_ when you want to be," I noticed flatly.

It wasn't commonplace for me to spend time with Takamiya-sensei, but he needed someone to help him grade the English exam papers and chose to assist him when he caught me not paying attention in class again. This time, he didn't scold me. I was thankful for that. As I graded papers, I noticed Ame received a B+ on her exam. I smiled. I guess my notes really did help her.

And being here kept me away from Zero. He skipped class today, and I haven't really seen too much of him for the remainder of last week either. He only came to me for blood several days ago, and then he left. It was so sudden that it alarmed me a little bit. I wonder if Yuuki felt similarly with how Zero could be a little selfish sometimes, coming and leaving without a warning of any kind. I wonder where he was right now. Zero… I bet he was either lounging off at the horse stables or on Association duties right now. Maybe he was avoiding me. … Or was it the other way around? I would have asked Takamiya-sensei about Zero's whereabouts, but I didn't want to further indulge his playful jokes.

"No matter how many times you look at it, she won't come back," Takamiya-sensei said.

"Eh?"

"Your pureblood friend. She's the reason why you never pay attention in class. She's not coming back, you know."

I _knew_ that.

I knew she just wouldn't appear out of nowhere. The last time I saw Yuuki felt like such a long time ago. It was a brief glimpse – a short amount of time I had with her—but I was overjoyed to see her again. It was Takamiya-sensei who arranged for me to meet her. He helped me. That was one of the rare moments he wasn't insensitive.

"I never thanked you for helping me see Yuuki, did I?" I mentioned abruptly. Takamiya-sensei glanced at me, perplexed by the sudden topic change. "Months ago, you helped me sneak into the vampire ball so I could see Yuuki. You can be mean, but surprisingly you can be nice too."

"I wasn't trying to help you," Takamiya-sensei replied. "It only ended up that way."

"What do you mean?"

"You were going to be my white lamb in a slaughter. If you were to be attacked at that engagement, it would have broken the agreement and allowed us to attack the vampires. Letting you see your friend was just a way to lure you into my plan. So, don't jump into conclusions. I'm not as nice as you make me out to be."

"I don't care about that. I was able to see Yuuki. That's all that matters to me."

Takamiya shrugged. "You're a strange one, aren't you, Wakaba Sayori-kun?"

I smiled. "Hm… Maybe," I murmured. I stacked the papers together. "Are these all the papers that have to be graded, Takamiya-sensei? If they are, I'd like to take my leave now."

"Hm? Sure. Plans, I presume?"

"Mm, kind of."

Takamiya-sensei followed my trail as I gathered my books and headed for the doorway. "Zero will be dropping by later today," he mentioned casually. "Just thought you should know."

Zero…

"_So, she's the replacement for your precious pureblood, eh, Zero?"_

"… _What of it?"_

"_Nothing. Don't mean to pry, but I feel a little sorry for the girl."_

I forced a smile. "Well, then. Excuse me," I said, exiting the room.

Takamiya-sensei… You really can be cruel sometimes.

* * *

Zero…

I wonder if that was what he really thought of me. Did he pity me? He told me he didn't. He told me he was the one who was lonely, but… I guess I'll never know with him. Zero was never the type to pour out his heart to anyone. He wasn't that kind of person. He shouldered his burdens on his own. What made Zero this way? Was it because he was a vampire? I don't know much about his past; I didn't feel it was necessary to ask Yuuki or Zero about things that weren't my place to know.

I shook my head. Why was I getting depressed over Zero? I was out in the city right now and away from Cross Academy. I should be enjoying myself. I had promised Ame I'd go shopping with her after she returned my notebook. She wanted to browse for new clothes, buy sweets at the local bakery, and see if the latest volume of her favorite manga was out yet. I was hesitant to agree after the events that happened last time I ventured into the city, but it was difficult to decline her offer after she had been so nice to me. Besides, this time things would be different. I wasn't alone.

"Aw, the new volume for _Werewolf Lord_ isn't out yet!" Ame complained, crossing her arms as we stepped out of the bookstore. "I was so sure it was coming out this week!"

_Werewolf Lord?_ I giggled. Ame sounded like a little kid. Almost like… Yuuki. I frowned at the thought. "Sounds like… an interesting manga, Ame-san," I mentioned reluctantly in an attempt to shrug off my thoughts. I wasn't really interested in the manga itself, but the concept just sounded so oddly bizarre now that I knew that vampires existed. Could werewolves exist too? I grimaced and tried not to think about it. Vampires were enough of a weird thing in this world. I'd prefer not to know what else is out there.

I glanced at Ame. She didn't really resemble Yuuki in appearance, but I had to admit that there was something in Ame's personality that reminded me of my dearest friend. Of course, there were places where they differed.

"Does Kiryuu-san take you to the city a lot, Sayori-chan?" Ame asked me.

"Sometimes," I replied. "He can be such a worrywart when he wants to be."

Ame pondered my words. "A worrywart?" she repeated. "But he's always so… difficult."

I gave a small smile. "He can be quite a hassle, but Zero-kun is Zero-kun," I said. I paused thoughtfully. "Hm. You don't seem to like Zero-kun that much, do you, Ame-san?"

Ame shrugged her shoulders. "I just don't like guys who are always so grumpy and unpleasant," she muttered.

"So, you like guys who are happy and pleasant?"

"Pretty much."

"Then you should have transferred to Cross Academy when the Night Class was still here. I'm sure you would've liked _Aidou_-sempai."

"_Who?_"

"Never mind." I tilted me head, pondering. "But I'm surprised, Ame-san," I mentioned. Ame stared at me, confused. "For someone you don't like very much, you're actually quite perceptive of Zero-kun."

"P-Perceptive?" Ame grimaced, flustered at the thought. "It's not like I notice him because I want to!" I smiled. She did make similar reaction as Yuuki. Ame rolled her eyes. "Anyway, is there anywhere you want to go, Sayori-chan?" she asked, changing the subject promptly.

"Mm, well…"

Before I could say anything, I caught a glimpse of a young woman walking past us, her long, brown hair fluttering in the wind as she turned around a corner in the street. My eyes widened. I saw her face. _Her_ face. There was no mistaking it. It had to be… Just had to be…

"… _Yuuki?_" I whispered dryly.

Ame blinked. "Eh? What?"

"Sorry, there's something I need to do. Please don't wait up for me!" I said before rushing off.

I heard a confused Ame calling out to me, but I didn't stop. I had to see her. I had to make sure. Maybe it was a trick in the light or I was just seeing things, but for that split-second I saw her. _I saw Yuuki_. I was probably crazy. What on earth would Yuuki be doing so close to the academy? There's no way she could be here, but no matter how much I tried to doubt myself, my desperation kicked in. She _had_ to be Yuuki.

I reached the next corner and turned to find a crowd of people, but none of them familiar. None of them Yuuki. I hurried down the street as I brushed past some people and bumped into others, searching desperately at everyone's faces—searching for the one I could call my best friend. But there was no one. There was no Yuuki.

I deluded myself… didn't I? I saw something that I knew could never be… and yet I… As my breaths grew raspy, I slowed down and looked up at the sky. Where are you… Yuuki? Are you anywhere I can find you… or are you nowhere I can reach you…?

I winced. Someone had bumped into my shoulder and awakened me from my bitter thoughts. "Ow… Sorry…," I muttered.

"… Wakaba?"

I flinched, seeing Zero in front of me. "Zero… -kun?" I realized, stunned. What was he doing here?

"What are you doing in the city alone?" he questioned. He was panting. If I didn't know better, it looked like Zero ran here.

"N-No, I was with someone… I…," I tried to explain, but I couldn't find the words to say. I rubbed my shoulder. "Ame-san—I was with Ame-san, but I got distracted…," I admitted sheepishly. I was careless. I shouldn't have left Ame behind like that. What if she got into any sort of trouble?

"I know. When I returned to the academy, I bumped into her and she told me you were acting strange." I sighed in relief. She was okay. Zero stared at me and sighed. "You weren't attacked again, were you?" I shook my head. Zero paused for a moment and seemingly decided to believe me. "Then let's go back to the academy," he said, taking my hand.

"I'll never see Yuuki again… will I, Zero-kun?" I asked him softly.

"… Come on. Let's go," Zero muttered.

I looked up at the sky one last time as a tear rolled down my cheek.

Yuuki… It's really difficult without you.

Your empty desk is still the same.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	7. What am I?

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Chapter 6 was a little short, but I didn't really want to emphasis detail or divulge too much into a plot; I just wanted to convey Yori's feelings on Yuuki's absence as it reaches her limits. I wasn't quite satisfied with Chapter 6, so I hope Chapter 7 makes up for it! :] Again, sorry for the extremely late update. I've been having major writing block with this fanficcy, and summer school certainly _did not_ help the writing process _at all_. But summer school is finally over, so I _will_ be uploading Chapter 8 sometime next week. Please enjoy!

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

Three weeks passed since the 'incident.'

I never did tell Zero that I might have seen Yuuki that day that seems so far away now.

If I had told him, I'm sure he'd either deny my claim or get frustrated with me, and frankly I have a feeling that Zero knew more about Yuuki's whereabouts than he lets on. I actually haven't seen too much of Zero lately. It seems the Hunters Association has a lot of work cut out for him these days. He hasn't been showing up to classes either, and his visits to my dorm room have grown slim. In the last week, I had only seen him once or twice. On one hand, Zero's decrease of visits allowed my complexion to lighten up and regain its healthy appearance. I wasn't as exhausted as before, and I didn't have to wear a scarf to hide the evidence of our little routines. Ame no longer asked me how I was feeling, and Takamiya-sensei didn't give me any suspicious glances. I assume he probably knew what was conspiring between Zero and me but refused to speak of it. How noble it seemed when behind my back he pitied me. It was selfish of me to secretly hold that comment against Takamiya-sensei when he had helped me so many times, but I couldn't really help myself. It may not have been his intention, but it felt like throwing salt on an old wound.

I did worry for Zero, but there was nothing I could do. In his rare and untimely visits, he looked exhausted and strained, though he tried to hide it. Zero was always that kind of person—he'd shoulder his burdens on his own and didn't make an effort to seek help or guidance. That was always the kind of Zero I knew.

He finally attended classes today. I was a little surprised when I found him sitting at his desk in homeroom when I walked in. Usually, if it wasn't his Association work, Zero would gladly skip classes and lounge off at the horse stables and I'd have to be the one to find him and bring him back to class. But Zero was here. He was finally… _here_. Zero looked up as I approached his desk and our eyes met.

"What an unfamiliar face," I greeted Zero teasingly, somewhat baffled by his sudden reappearance. "It's strange to see you here for once."

Zero rested his cheek against the palm of his hand. A typical bummed Zero expression. I suppressed a chuckle. "That noisy headmaster and teacher of ours forced me to," he muttered in annoyance.

_Headmaster Cross… and Takamiya-sensei, huh?_ "I should thank them later," I replied, brushing my hair behind my ear with ease. "If you missed any more classes, you might get in trouble, you know." Zero said nothing and stared at me. I tilted my head. "What? What is it, Zero-kun?"

"Are you okay... Wakaba?" Zero asked me.

I laughed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Has anything happened… while I was gone?"

I paused, lingering by Zero's desk. _Zero-kun? He looks worried… for some reason. Why?_ I paused. "Other than all the assignments and homework you've missed?" I decided to play dumb.

Zero's reaction would tell me if his worry was a normal kind of worry like when he'd visit my dorm room or something I should be more concerned with… like something vampire-related. Or… Could it have something to do with Yuuki? I smiled and shrugged it off. It didn't matter. Zero probably wouldn't tell me anyway. I was about to return to my desk when Zero suddenly took hold of my arm and I jerked back in shock. I flinched and slowly turned to face Zero. He didn't let go of my arm.

My heart pounded. "Zero… -kun?" I asked softly.

Zero gave me a long look. He had done this once before when I went to get him at stables. But this was different—this _felt_ different. His ever piercing and haunting gaze petrified me. For that single moment, I felt like we were the only two people in the classroom. But we weren't. Several classmates began to stare and whisper. I gulped. Didn't Zero notice the commotion and the implication he was creating? Wasn't he annoyed? Embarrassed? _No…_ That's not the kind of person Zero is. Things like gossip and rumors were far from his mind. Zero wasn't like any ordinary teenager. He was… different. From the corner of my eye, I could see Takamiya-sensei raising an eyebrow. He looked like he was about to say something when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Ah, Sayori-chan! There you are!"

I blinked and turned to find Ame. "Ame-san…," I said, exhaling. I thought Zero's hold on me actually tightened. Was I imagining things? I turned back towards Zero, only to find him releasing me. "Zero-kun…?" I asked, perplexed by his actions.

Zero avoided my gaze, and I really wondered if there was something I should be worried about. Finally, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "It's… nothing," he muttered. "Sorry, Wakaba."

I was unconvinced. Zero sounded as dejected as always, but the weariness of his eyes and the tenseness of his body told me a different story. He crossed his arms with his elbows resting against his desk. Like always, he was hiding something. After the stunt he just pulled, that alone was undeniable. But, like always, he closed himself and refused to open up and confide in me.

I returned to my desk, and Ame returned to hers. Takamiya-sensei coughed and decided to start class. As the gossiping quieted, Ame began to excitedly tell me that the latest volume of that werewolf manga she liked had come out, and she had just bought it the other day. I smiled and nodded, pretending to be interested, but really my interest was elsewhere. I couldn't help but look over my shoulder and steal a glance from Zero. There was something bothering Zero, but I couldn't tell what it was and there was nothing I could do. If I pressured the matter further, he'd just push me away. I looked down. It was strange.

I was the one who had always kept Zero at an arm's length, wasn't I?

So, why did it feel like it was the other way around?

* * *

"So, what was up with Kiryuu-san and you today? Talk about _awkward_."

"I… I'm not so sure myself."

Ame sighed, placing her hands on her hips. "But don't you think it was weird?" she insisted, shaking her head. "He randomly grabs your arm in class today and makes a scene in front of everyone. Jeez, what a guy, huh?"

I frowned. "Zero-kun… just doesn't express himself well sometimes. I'm sure it was nothing," I lied. It _had_ to be something. Zero would never do something like that just out of impulse. There was always a reason. But what?

"Wait… You don't think… Was he was trying to _confess_ to you?"

"Our relationship isn't like that, Ame-san."

Ame rolled his eyes as she began to play with her hair. "Such a quick answer," she muttered, pouting. "It's possible, you know."

I glanced at her and shrugged. "Possible, but unlikely," I replied.

My thoughts returned to Zero once more. He asked me if I was okay. He asked if something happened to me recently. That means he's worried. That means he has a reason _to_ be worried. Could there be something dangerous in the academy? Or…

I turned to Ame. She blinked, a little surprised. "Sayori-chan? What's up?" she asked, laughing. "You're staring at me. You know staring is kind of rude, right?"

"Sorry, Ame-san. I think I forgot something in class. You can go on to the dormitories without me!" I said before running off.

I think I heard Ame call out my name, but I couldn't stop running. I had to find Zero. I had to confront him. If I didn't, he might disappear again and slip out of my fingers. I ran downstairs and outside, hoping to find him resting at the horse stables. He wasn't there. Maybe… the classroom? Did Takamiya-sensei give him supplementary classes? I-I don't remember. Class was a bit of a blur to me. I guess Zero had been on my mind the entire time. I hurried down the hall. If he wasn't there, then where was I to look? His apartment? It then dawned on me that I didn't really know much about Zero. I only knew a few of his hiding spots simply because teachers would send me looking for him if he skipped classes. They assumed that we were close, but we were far from it. I didn't know what his hobbies were or what his favorite food was. I didn't even know Zero had a twin brother until he appeared in our class a year ago, only to vanish into thin air later. I never bothered to ask those kinds of questions because I never felt the need to. I regret making that choice.

There were so many things I wanted to know about Zero. Why was he a vampire hunter when he was a vampire himself? Why did he choose this path knowing that he'd be opposing Yuuki? What did he think of Yuuki even after all this time? … What did he think of _me?_ Like I could ask such questions.

With Yuuki, I knew everything about her. I knew her habits and her flaws. I knew what food she liked and disliked. Her favorite books and television shows. I could read Yuuki so well. She was always a transparent person when it came to her feelings. I could always tell when she was distressed over Zero or Kaname Kuran. But Zero… Zero was a maze that I could never hope to escape from. He was difficult to read, difficult to understand. Everyone in Cross Academy seems to think I know him the best because we're always seen together, but I don't. I don't know Zero at all. I never did.

_She_ did. And as much as I don't want to admit it, she was always the only one who can.

I chuckled bitterly. I'm really… a horrible replacement, aren't I… Zero?

I opened the classroom door to find Takamiya-sensei grading papers. Zero wasn't in the room. My heart sank. I thought that I could leave unnoticed, but Takamiya-sensei lifted up his head and looked at me. "Ah, Wakaba-kun," he greeted me. "I don't recall giving you supplementary classes today."

It was Takamiya-sensei's typical voice—teasing and sounding somewhat insincere, but at the same time blunt and genuine. I tensed up slightly. This was a man who I owed my life to and let me see my best friend, but he was also a man I was a little wary of. A part of me admired this man, but a part of me was also afraid of him. I closed the door behind me and slowly crossed the room towards his desk. "Takamiya-sensei, there's something I'd like to ask you," I said promptly. "Did something… happen to Zero-kun recently?"

Takamiya stopped writing for a moment and held my gaze. His smile disappeared. He looked down and continued correcting the paperwork. "What makes you say that?" he questioned me.

"He seemed… bothered by something," I tried to explain, carefully choosing which words to say. "You saw him today before class started. Zero-kun always has a lot on his mind, but this time it was different."

"Different?"

"Yes. I've known Zero for quite some time, so I can tell when he's not acting like himself."

"Well, what a coincidence," Takamiya-sensei sneered. "I've known Zero for quite some time too, and I think you might just be over thinking things."

I didn't mean to sound so presumptuous. Of course, Takamiya-sensei knew Zero too; he knew him much longer than I have. Perhaps, I should have listened to him. If anyone was an expert on Zero—aside from Yuuki—it would be this man. But my gut instinct told me otherwise. "But…," I began.

"Relax. It's Zero we're talking about here. He's just brooding as usual. It's normal for a teenager, isn't it?"

"Is it normal for a _vampire hunter_ too?"

Silence fell between us. Takamiya-sensei only stared at me, his gaze heavy and intimidating. I automatically regretted me words. It seems that I've crossed the line. "Wakaba-kun, the Hunters Association was very generous in allowing you to keep your memories of the existence of vampires intact… I hope you're not taking advantage of our kindness," Takamiya-sensei said, his words slow but precise.

I didn't like what was implying. "I have no intention of involving myself with the Hunters Association. It is not my place to, and I honestly have no interest in your organization. I'm only here because I'm worried about Zero-kun," I told him, turning to leave.

"You say you have no interest in the Association, and yet you probably already know that Zero and his work comes hand-in-hand," Takamiya-sensei called out to me. I stopped in my tracks, my eyes widening. I heard a chair move and the echo of footsteps growing closer to me. My heart pounded, but I refused to turn. Takamiya-sensei was standing right behind me, but I did not budge. I stood there, unmoving. "Why are you really here, Wakaba Sayori-kun? Tell me," Takamiya-sensei murmured quietly.

I felt Takamiya-sensei's hand touch my shoulder, and I reacted violently, spinning around to face him. I clung to the books I carried against my chest, wrapping my arms around them tightly. My fingers wouldn't stop trembling. I staggered a few steps back. I had no idea why I acted that way. I've never lowered my guard before. _Never_. I've always been so reserved when it came to my feelings. I always made sure of that. Only Yuuki saw my true feelings; only Yuuki I'd confide to. To wear my heart on my sleeve was something unnecessary, but not to her—_never_ to _her_. So, why now, did I react so harshly?

Takamiya-sensei stared at me. "You're a strange one, Wakaba-kun. You really are, and I find that your most interesting and equally irritating quality. But whether you're Zero's friend, girlfriend, or his precious pureblood's replacement makes no difference to me," he told me. "You belong neither in the world of vampires nor vampire hunters. You should start sticking that into your head, or you'll get hurt in the long-run. I can't have you overstepping your boundaries."

"I think you're overstepping _yours_, Kaito."

Takamiya-sensei and I turned to see Zero leaning by the doorway casually. My heart skipped a beat. "Zero-kun…," I whispered. How long has he been standing there?

"Your girlfriend was looking for you," Takamiya-sensei sneered casually. "I was just helping her out."

The comment didn't faze Zero. I was a little relieved. Zero looked like typical Zero. Dejected expression and tired eyes. Nothing seemed to be out of place, but I was still certain that was different about him. "I need to borrow her," he said. "Do you mind?"

Takamiya-sensei shrugged. "Sure. By all means," he replied, smiling. "I think I've made my point clear. Isn't that right, Wakaba-kun?"

I looked away. "Yes…," I replied curtly.

Zero closed the door behind us. I lingered by the hall with some uncertainty. I finally found Zero. Now what? What should I do? What should I say? Where should I begin? Would he talk? Would he answer? That didn't matter to me right now. If he was just here for nourishment, I wouldn't mind that either. For this small amount of time, Zero was here with me.

Zero turned towards me. "I've been looking for you," he said. "We need to talk."

* * *

We went to my room. Zero leaned against the wall with his arms crossed while I sat on my bed, looking out the window. The sky was beginning to dim into an orangey color with parted, stretched clouds. It was already late in the afternoon, so the rest of the students were either in the dormitories or at their extra-curricular activities. I never had an interest in clubs or sports. Even though Zero said we needed to talk, we were both quiet.

"I can't stay here for long. I have Association work to do soon," Zero finally broke the silence.

"If I'm inconveniencing you, then this can…," I began.

"What were you two talking about?" Zero interrupted. "What did Kaito say to you?"

I looked at him. Zero's gaze was heavy as usual, as though simply by meeting his intimidating eyes weighed me down. I turned away. You really couldn't breathe if he stared at you like that. How unfair, Zero. Surely, he must know how his presence affects people like that. Was Zero even here just to talk? Or was he really here for an interrogation? "Nothing really," I replied, clasping my hands together.

"It didn't look like nothing."

"Then maybe you saw something that wasn't there."

I was being sharp with him. I didn't mean to, but I guess it came out that way. Zero frowned. He walked over to my bedside and sat down next to me. He scratched his head and exhaled. "Are you angry with me?" he asked.

Angry? Was I? I'm not sure. I always had mixed feelings when it came to Zero. Maybe I was just annoyed. Zero was never one to tell me things. I thought I had gotten used to his unpredictability. I thought I did. "What happened this morning, Zero-kun?" I changed the subject. "Why did you ask if anything happened to me? Is there something I should know about?" I paused. "Is there… something you're not telling me?"

"It's… nothing like that," Zero muttered. "I needed to know you were okay. That's all."

Why? Why did you need to know if I was okay? He was avoiding something. I could tell by his eyes. Zero was bothered—maybe even frustrated. I hated how he was beating around the bush, but then so was I. "You grabbed my arm today, Zero-kun," I insisted, promptly placing my hand on his. "There has to be something more to that."

"You're reading into it too much. It was an accident," Zero hissed, irritation hinted in his voice. He jerked my hand off and turned away. "What? Were you that _disgusted_ by it?"

I stared at him, somewhat appalled and disturbed by the sudden change of air in him. Why was _he_ angry now? Did I offend him somehow? Was he really angry at me, or what he just taking his anger _out_ on me? I pulled on his arm, forcing him to face me. "What are you talking about? Of course, I'm not disgusted. You… You just surprised me is all. I could never be disgusted by you," I told him firmly. "Honestly, Zero-kun… You sure can be weird sometimes." I sighed and shook my head. "Look, I was just asking Takamiya-sensei why you were acting differently today. I wanted to ask you myself, but I didn't think you'd tell me."

Before I could realize what was happening, Zero had pushed me down onto my bed, one of his hands pressing into my shoulder. I winced and struggled to look up at him.

"What are you—"

Zero lowered his head and bit into my neck. My hands automatically clutched onto my bed sheets, bracing myself. It's been a week since Zero quenched his thirst. I'd almost forgotten how painful it was to have your blood stolen from you, and now I was reliving that agonizing pain. I could hear Zero gulping down his nourishment, savoring the taste of my blood. In the corner of my eye, I could see my sheets stained red. Zero had one of his hands pressed against my arm while his other pulled down the collar of my blazer and cotton shirt, stretching them to my shoulder and causing a few buttons to loosen. I gasped for air as my hands grabbed onto Zero's clothes and clung to them. Zero's hot breath prickling my skin. I was beginning to grow light-headed, but I knew if I told Zero to stop when he wasn't finished taking in blood, he'd be angry with me. He was already angry with me, but if he ended up taking a little more blood than usual I'd just have to grin and bear it.

Zero removed his fangs and began licking my neck clean from blood. I turned over to my side, shuddered, and wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to still my racing heart. I closed my eyes patiently and waited for Zero to be finished satisfying his hunger. "Sorry. I should have warned you," Zero apologized as he sat up and wiped his mouth. "Were you scared?"

I shook my head. He extended his hand out towards me. I took it and wobbled, my head leaning against his shoulder. "It's fine… I'm all right," I reassured him wearily. Strands of hair fell over my face and tickled my skin, but I was too tired to push them aside. I knew this was a good time to ask than ever; Zero was all mine right now—_for now_. "You saw _her_… didn't you? You saw Yuuki recently. That's why you've been acting differently." It wasn't a question. I suspected it as much. Zero's moods changed so unevenly when it came to Yuuki. He paused for a moment before nodding. "How is she? Is she doing well? Where is she right now?"

"She's fine," Zero replied softly. "That's all you need to know."

"I'm glad," I replied, sighing. "As long as Yuuki is all right, I…" I stole a glance at Zero, and his stony expression told me at once that this was not a topic he wanted to discuss. Yuuki was always a touchy subject for us. We sat in silence until I finally asked, "Why did you ask me if something happened while you were gone? And don't dodge the question. I know I don't know your hobbies or what your favorite food is, but I know you enough to know that you weren't just concerned for my well-being."

Zero stared at me. "My hobbies and favorite food?" he asked.

I frowned. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. "Sorry. I just realized that I don't really know anything about you," I admitted sheepishly. "I don't know your habits. I don't know what you like and dislike."

"You know more about me than you think you do," Zero muttered.

I blinked. "What?"

"You know I'm a vampire. You know I'm a vampire hunter. You know that I can't stand attending classes and that I like to hang out at the horse stables. You're always cautious at choosing what to say to me because you know I get frustrated with people easily. You know how selfish I can be, how greedy I can get. … And you know how much I've been suffering."

Zero. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. I knew that he was a vampire because he attacked me. I knew that he was a vampire hunter because it was something I learned from the Association. Anyone could see that he'd rather be anywhere than in class, and I knew about his hiding spot at the horse stables because Yuuki told me. I'm cautious with what I say to Zero because sometimes I even know what to say to him. I only know about his selfishness and his greediness because that is what is what he personally thought of himself, even though I never once thought him of that. And the only reason why I know how much he has suffered because I shared his pain and the person that we had both lost. I wanted to tell him these things, but I didn't. I really wanted to believe that I did know him even though I really didn't. We weren't friends. We'd just give and take. To Zero, I was Yuuki's replacement. That's all I was to him. A substitute for someone that he could never have.

Zero stood up. "Sorry I took too much of our time. I have to get going," he said. He seemed apologetic.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's all right. I should be used to this by now," I teased gently. "I'm all right, really. You can go, Zero-kun."

"I'll… visit you when I'm done," he added. There was a pause. He wanted to see my reaction, to see if his company would be welcomed or unwanted. How silly of him. I never denied a visit from Zero before. He should already know that much. Then it occurred to me. Zero didn't know much about me either, probably as much as I didn't know about him. Yet another thing we had in common. It was strange to see a reflection of myself in Zero. He always seemed so tall to me, so strong. I shouldn't be able to compare myself to him. Zero was doing something. I probably didn't agree with it, but he was doing something with his life while I still played schoolgirl.

"I might be asleep by then."

"I'll still come."

I smiled and, for a second, I thought Zero returned my smile. He turned and headed for the door. He lingered there for a moment before he looked over his shoulder. "Stay away from that girl," he said abruptly. "The one who's always following you around." It sounded almost like an order.

"Eh? Ame-san? But… why?" I asked him. I didn't understand. Why was he bringing up Ame now?

"She's the reason why I was worried about you this morning," he warned me. "Don't trust her."

I frowned. "Why not? She's not a bad person," I insisted.

I didn't know how to react. I know I should have listened to Zero, but I had an instinctive impulse to defend Ame. Ame had been nothing but nice to me since the moment I met her, and even though I didn't want to make any friends, Ame was the closest person to a friend I've had since Yuuki left. She was kind to me. She was friendly. She reminded me of Yuuki. And I wouldn't let Zero take this from me.

"I can't tell you that. Just don't interact with her anymore, all right?"

"No, it's _not_ all right. Tell me why you're saying these things about Ame-san. You _won't_ tell me, will you? Like how you didn't tell me that you've seen Yuuki recently." Zero grimaced. Whenever it came to Yuuki, he was an open book. "Where is she? Where is Yuuki?"

"Don't change the subject. And I can't tell you that," Zero repeated, this time with a firmer voice.

I knew it. Zero hadn't just seen Yuuki recently. He knew _where_ she was. He knew where she was _right now_. I didn't like this—how he was keeping secrets from me, secrets about Yuuki. "Then, _I'm_ not going to _listen_ to you, Zero-kun," I decided. "Ame-san is a good person. She's my _friend_." I hated that I was acting so childishly. I never act this way. I never allowed myself to become so careless with my emotions, which I seemed to be losing hold of today. First Takamiya-sensei, and now Zero. People were catching me off-guard left and right, and I despised the fact that I had no control over it.

"Then, what am _I?_" Zero demanded. I was startled by this question. He turned around to face me. "If she's your friend, then what am I? Am I so beneath her that you won't listen to me?"

My mind was spinning. Only moments ago, Zero and I were getting along. And then he had to bring up Ame and I had to get angry with him. And I just had to bring up Yuuki, knowing full well that she has nothing to do with this conversation and that the mere mention of her would rile Zero up. But that was a lie. Whenever it came to us, to Zero and me, Yuuki always had something to do with it. She always did because she was the reason why we shared each other's burdens in the first place. She was the reason why I am her replacement. And right now, she was the reason why we were fighting. Whether I liked it or not, Yuuki revolved around everything when it came to Zero and me.

Zero and me. Us. Whatever we were, whatever our relationship was, nothing ever works out for us. Were we always this fragile?

"_Well?_ Say something," Zero hissed impatiently. "Or is silence your answer?"

"I don't have an answer for you, Zero-kun, because I… I have no idea what I think of you. I don't know what you are to me."

Zero was quiet for a long moment before he finally replied, "… Is that so?"

I sighed and began rubbing my aching neck. I didn't know what else to say. Zero and I were getting nowhere in our argument, I was tired, I was dizzy, and I didn't want to fight with him anymore. "You should go, Zero-kun," I said. "You have your Association work, don't you?"

"Yeah. I'll… see you after the meeting."

"Don't bother. I _won't_ answer the door."

Hours later, he came by the door, but I never answered. I didn't how long he waited. I didn't know if he left quickly or waited all night long. I never bothered to check. But there was one thing that I was certain of.

That was the first time that I denied a visit from Zero.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	8. Answer

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Thank you for all the nice comments for Chapter 7. You won't believe how glad I am that no one's gathering pitchforks and torches for me, so I'm really happy for the nice feedback thus far. It's interesting because I actually had mixed feelings about writing Chapter 7. On one hand, I actually really liked the chapter because it all flowed out so well and better than I had hoped, yet at the same time I felt _extremely awful_ for writing it since the chapter exploded into Zero's and Yori's first, real argument—which I do apologize for. Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, the last chapter takes place during Chapters 68-70 in the manga (basically during Yuuki's imprisonment in the Association and before the Night Class is reinstalled to the academy), so that explains Zero knowing where Yuuki is. Anyway, enjoy!

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

_"I'll… visit you after the meeting."_

_ "Don't bother. I won't answer the door."_

Streams of sunlight escaped from the gloomy clouds, blinding my eyes. It was a slow day at Cross Academy. It was the Day Class's lunch period, and I would have been enjoying lunch with Ame at the cafeteria if she didn't out of the blue decide to borrow a book from the library. So, here I was, waiting at a bench outside of the library for Ame and alone with only my bothersome thoughts for company.

I knew that I was being childish. I had started a pointless argument over virtually nothing. I knew it would have be easier just to be the bigger person and apologize, and then everything would go back to normal. But what was "normal" for us? What would we go back to? Zero coming and going when it pleased him? Me constantly waiting for him? Him taking my blood and always leaving me in the dark? A life without Yuuki? As much as I didn't want to admit it, my world revolved around Yuuki and Zero. I worried for them and they're always on my mind. But what did Zero's world revolve around? Not me. No, certainly not me. It was _her_. It was _always her_. And I didn't want to go back to that. I tugged on my plaid red scarf and glanced down at the bite mark on my neck. It hadn't healed yet and the cold weather was a blessing, so I could wear a scarf without looking conspicuous.

Ever since our argument, I've been avoiding Zero, who has been uncannily and regularly going to classes this entire week. A part of me wondered if this was just his weird, twisted way of spiting me, but I knew that Zero wasn't the spiteful type—this was really his way of getting on my good side. In our week of silence, Zero never once tried to talk to me. I didn't spot him following me either, something I sort of expected him to do. But during nighttime, I would always be restless and couldn't get to sleep. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but imagine Zero beyond the door of my dorm room, waiting in the hall and watching me. A few awkward glances and gossiping whispers from several of the girls on my floor later confirmed my suspicion. Aside from that and the fact that we weren't speaking, Zero was being civil with me. That made being angry with him kind of difficult. You can't be angry with someone who's being nice to you. I sighed and stood up. Sitting with my thoughts did me no good. Maybe I should just see if Ame found her book yet.

Zero told me not to trust Ame. He told me to stay away from her, but what threat has Ame been to me? All she's done so far is to try and be my friend. Is that so much of a crime? I'm sure I'd know if she was using me, and I don't she was a vampire because I'm a bit used to Zero's vampire-like reactions. As far as I can tell, she's a human and a perfectly normal one to me. Zero would never have mentioned Ame in the first place if he wasn't really worried, so of course, I'll keep his warning in mind, but for now, I've decided to trust in the Ame that I know and is my friend. Should Ame turn out to be anything otherwise, I'll deal with it when the situation calls for it, but right now, I've decided to trust her. That is my judgment.

The library was tall and wide building with four floors arranged with different sections for students and instructors alike. There were several lounges that students could use for their reading or studying needs, as well as rooms for teachers to have meetings. I rarely went to the library, mainly because Yuuki would often make a ruckus and we'd get kicked out, so it felt intimidating and unfamiliar, wandering around a labyrinth of shelves and engrossed in books left and right. I entered the second floor and looked around. I was pretty sure that Ame would be somewhere on this floor. As I walked around, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic. I remembered one time Yuuki had bumped into a shelf of books, causing them to topple on each other. Naturally, being the daughter of Chairman Cross got her out of that sticky situation.

As I turned to another section of shelves, I thought I heard something behind me—a muffled sound of footsteps. I turned hastily only to find no one. I frowned and looked away. For a split-second, I almost expected to see Zero. He had a habit of suddenly appearing out of nowhere. I rolled my eyes, baffled by my own expectations. Of course, Zero wouldn't see me.

"Sayori-chan!" I heard Ame's voice behind me and turned. She smiled, holding up her book. "Sorry. I'll go get this checked out."

I nodded and followed Ame downstairs. Although I knew there was no one following me, I stole a glance over my shoulder. Still nothing. I frowned. Maybe it was just my imagination. After Ame checked out her book, we exited the library.

Ame glanced at me. "Say, Sayori-chan. What's up with Kiryuu-san?"

I gulped. "Zero-kun?" I repeated. I lamented Ame always bringing up Zero. Just talking about him was difficult.

"Yeah. All of a sudden, he's been coming to school every single day. I was surprised. Talk about turning a 360, huh? I guess I have to give him some credit. But I've also noticed that you two have barely said a word to each other in homeroom since that arm grabbing thing in class."

"Zero-kun and I… He just has a lot of things on his mind lately, and I thought I'd give him space."

"You guys are in a _fight_, aren't you?" Ame deduced matter-of-factly. "A girl knows these things." I sighed. Was Ame always this perceptive of things? Well, I did tell her she was pretty perceptive of Zero, but I didn't think she'd be able to read me too. I guess there was no way getting around this one. "So, what are you guys fighting about?"

"It's… complicated," I muttered dejectedly. "I don't really want to talk about it, Ame-san." There was no way I was going to tell Ame that half of the argument was kind of about _her_.

"Oh, come on! You don't have to tell me every little detail. Just tell me what's bugging you about it the most! We can start from there."

"Erm… What's bugging me the most…"

"_Then, what am I? If she's your friend, then what am I? Am I so beneath her that you won't listen to me?"_

I clutched my hand against my chest. I felt… _bothered_. What did he mean by that? Honestly, I was so wrapped up by everything that happened that day that I couldn't even give him an appropriate answer; I don't think I really had one. When it came right down to it, I didn't know what Zero was to me, what he meant to me. And I don't know which bothered me the most—his question or my lack of a response.

I looked at Ame. "Ame-san, what am I to you?" I decided to ask.

"Eh?" Ame said, blinking. "What are you talking about, Sayori-chan?"

I suddenly felt embarrassed. Something about the question felt flustering. I wonder if that's how Zero felt when he asked me that. Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better. "Sorry. It's nothing," I reassured her.

"Hm… Well, isn't it obvious, Sayori-chan? We're classmates… but we're friends too, right?"

"Ah… Um… Yeah, we're friends."

I didn't expect such a blunt answer, but I was glad that Ame thought of me as her friend; I was a little worried that I had gotten ahead of myself when I told Zero that Ame was my friend without knowing if that was what we really were. Ame grinned at me. "Why the sudden question, anyway? You're weird, Sayori-chan. Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Come on! Let's go to the cafeteria before lunch ends."

I smiled and nodded. "Sure."

I think I understand why that question was so important to Zero, and why now it was so important to me.

Getting an answer like that from someone makes a person happy. Not getting answer at all… It's not a very good feeling, is it?

* * *

What was Zero to me?

I had to figure this out; I didn't want to talk to Zero unless I had an answer for him. Right now, I put his accusation towards Ame and his withholding information of Yuuki aside. There would be other times to worry about those things and confront Zero on it later. As of now, that single question Zero had asked me had importance and worth. It needed to be recognized and answered. But it was such a strange question. If any other person asked me it months ago—even a year ago, I would have replied that Zero was a classmate and a friend of a friend. That was what he was to me. But now things are different. Those words seem too small to indicate Zero with. We weren't friends and we certainly weren't lovers. It was something above acquaintances but below friendship but simultaneously somehow beyond friendship as well. The fact of the matter was that I never really thought of what Zero meant to me up until now, and I felt a little bad once realizing it.

At the very least, I had to find Zero and apologize for not giving him an answer. I'll figure the rest out later. And as for Ame and Yuuki, well, Ame hasn't done anything that would betray my trust, and as long as Yuuki was all right wherever she was, then I could put those issues behind me for the moment. I just want to apologize to Zero. It seemed the right thing to do.

Zero didn't show up in class after lunch break. I assumed that he was at the horse stables, but when a teacher forced me to go there to bring him back to class as usual, he wasn't there either. The horses were at ease. Whenever Zero would have a terrible attitude around them, the horses would react violently, as if they could sense Zero's foul mood; I've tried to not go horseback riding if Zero was at the stables around the same time or day. Perhaps, he was at the Hunters Association or hunting down a vampire in the city. Or maybe he just returned to his apartment. A part of me wanted to leave Cross Academy and go looking for him, but that would be a lost cause. Zero could be anywhere by now. I had no idea where the Hunters Association was and the city was fairly wide and crowded. And I doubt that he went back to his apartment after bothering to endure a whole week of classes due to our little spat. Maybe he was in the academy somewhere. He could have new hiding places that I don't know about.

Well, I didn't want to return to class empty-handed. I went looking for him. There were other places he could have gone on campus. After all, we did have a few places we'd go to when Zero needed to drink my blood. I checked unused classrooms and stairwells, in desolate hallways and small rooms. Nothing. I almost wanted to laugh. I've always went looking for Zero, whether it was to drag him back to class for an exam or merely to talk to him. If Zero ever needed me, he'd always somehow find me or wait by my room. Then again, as a human, I have my limitations. Zero can apparently detect my presence through scent. How unfair.

I sighed and checked my watch. I've been gone for quite some time. I'll certainly get scolded or get supplementary classes for taking too long and not finding Zero anyway. Ditching wasn't an option either; Father would know and he'd be displeased with me. As I walked down the hall, a flash of white color caught the corner of my eye. I turned and saw a figure through the window, out below in the courtyard. It was a petite, young girl twirling by a tree. It was her white dress that distracted me. She had shoulder-length silver hair. Something about her seemed almost… familiar. Before I could examine her well, another figure appeared and yanked her by the arm. That figure I recognized almost immediately.

Zero.

Before I knew it, I found myself running. I ran through the hall and down the staircase until I found myself face to face with both of them in the courtyard. Zero instinctively turned towards me and reluctantly released the girl. While I didn't understand what was going on, I was relieved to see Zero. "Zero-kun, I've been looking for you. You're needed back in class," I said, and then turned towards the girl. "You are…"

"Hello, Wakaba Sayori-chan," the girl greeted sweetly, though I felt no warmth from her words.

Now that I was facing the girl, I remembered her. I've seen her in this school before. It took me a few seconds to recall her name.

"Kurenai Maria…-san."

Maria tilted her head and smiled. That's right. I remember this girl. Maria Kurenai transferred into Cross Academy for a short amount of time. I didn't know her very well, but I remember her interacting with both Yuuki and Zero in the past. She seemed nice, if not a little strange. She was also enrolled into the Night Class—that meant Maria was a vampire. That didn't bother me. Maria wouldn't try to do anything that would jeopardize the academy. But what was she doing here? Why now, after being gone for so long?

"I'm surprised," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"She isn't supposed to _be_ here," Zero interrupted before Maria could say anything. "I was going to escort her out."

Maria pouted. "Don't be mean, Zero-kun. I just wanted to look around," she insisted. "The place is the same as ever. Well, except for the Night Class being gone."

I didn't know what else to say, so I merely nodded. However, Zero twitched at Maria's words. He didn't seem to like that Maria was here. I suppose that having a vampire on school grounds would be a problem for both Cross Academy and the Association, but if Maria wasn't doing any harm, then there was nothing to worry about, right? At least, that's what I told myself.

Maria walked over to me and observed me closely, swaying back and forth with her hands behind her back. "You're lonely, aren't you, Sayori-chan?" she asked. "With Yuuki gone, I mean. You two were close, weren't you?"

"Yes, Yuuki is my best friend. But she has her reasons, so I don't mind."

"Hm. But now you're close to _Zero-kun_, isn't that right?"

I paused and stole a glance at Zero. This was a conversation that he didn't interrupt. Maybe he wanted to hear what I would say. "Yes, Zero-kun and I are close," I replied. "Zero-kun is…" I slowly found myself finding my answer. "We weren't close at first, but overtime Zero-kun became an important person. He's precious to me." I stopped there. I felt that if I said anymore, if I allowed certain words to linger and pass through, then I might not like what I'd say next. In any case, this wasn't how I wanted to tell Zero what he meant to me. I wanted to have said it privately, and apologized for not giving him an answer sooner, but he got my answer now. That was all that mattered.

Maria stared at me for a long moment before she smiled and curtsied. "Is that so? Well, it seems I've overstayed my welcome. If I stay any longer, the sun will be quite harmful to my senses," she decided. "You don't have to escort me out, Zero-kun. I already have someone waiting for me. It was nice seeing you again, Zero-kun. You too, Sayori-chan."

I nodded. Zero crossed his arms and watched Maria intently. As Maria passed by me, she whispered words that were inaudible to Zero's ears.

"Try not to hold onto Zero-kun too tightly," she warned. "You won't need him for long."

My eyes widened as I felt a chill sink down my spine.

I didn't know how long I stood there, but when I turned around, Maria was gone. I wondered what she meant by those words. Zero placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Wakaba, we should get back to class," he said before raising an eyebrow. "What's wrong? Did she say something to you?"

I shook my head. "No, it's nothing," I lied. I didn't want to make Zero worry. We left the courtyard and entered the halls. I stared at Zero. He was still acting like Zero. He was still being civil all this week. He must have had Association work and other things on his mind, but he managed to go to class every day this week and he came to my room at night as well. Because of me, Zero did these things.

"Zero-kun," I said. Zero stopped automatically and looked over his shoulder, lingering by the staircase. "I'm sorry. I should have given you an answer sooner. And…" About Ame… and Yuuki too…

"It's fine. It doesn't matter anymore," Zero reassured me. His words were genuine. "I'm not mad, if that's what you think. But thank you."

"For what?"

"For saying what you said. Even if I was a lie… Thanks."

I turned towards the window and pressed my fingers against it. "It wasn't a lie. I meant every word. I'm sorry for not being strong like you. I'm not a vampire and I'm not a vampire hunter. I don't belong in either one of your worlds, but I force myself to because I know that's the only way I can reach both of you. I know that there are things that even I cannot know; I know my place. I am a human. I'm not meant to know these things like vampires and hunters, but I do," I told him. "Whether it's about Ame-san or Yuuki, I can be patient and I can wait. Because it's you, Zero-kun. Because of you, because I trust you, no matter what happens, I know things will be okay—for you and for Yuuki. I just wanted you to know that while I do worry for Yuuki, I worry for you too."

Zero was quiet, but he seemed to take in my words and I was glad for that. He turned. "You should worry for _yourself_ a little more," he said and chuckled under his breath. "We're going to both get _supplementary classes_ at this rate."

I grimaced. "Ah… You're right," I realized. Father won't like this one bit.

"Heh. It'll be your second time, won't it?" Zero noticed. I nodded.

"Yes. How many times will it be for you, Zero-kun?"

"… I don't want to talk about it."

We talked casually until we returned to class, and our assumption was correct—we did end up getting supplementary classes. But I didn't mind too much. I'd have a talk with Father later when he finds out, which will be quite troublesome, but right now, I didn't mind because I knew Zero would be with me. I'd have his company for just a little while longer. But I did notice something when I returned to my desk.

Ame was gone.

If I had concentrated looking out that window by the staircase just a little more, I would have seen Ame by the front gates… with Maria Kurenai.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	9. Eating Me Alive

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Thank you for all of your reviews! It's very much appreciated, especially the one about the memories transferred through blood suggestion. I realize that I hadn't divulged on that yet, but it's probably because I never even considered it since that idea wasn't established until Yuuki went into Kaname's memories more or less ten chapters ago back in the manga, and I didn't really think too much about it. But it _is_ an interesting prospect, so I might use it later into this fanficcy. After the next one or two chapters, I probably won't update until Chapter 75 of the _Vampire Knight_ manga comes out since I'm getting dangerously close to the manga's plotline and I really want to stay within the same continuity and not stray too far away from it, though they might inevitably happen.

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

"Why is it that I'm always stuck with _you two?_"

"This is my _second_ time in supplementary classes, Takamiya-sensei…"

Takamiya-sensei rolled his eyes. "I have better things to do than babysit a bunch of slackers," he sneered, leaning into his chair with his arms crossed and glaring at us with apparent annoyance.

Like Zero and I predicted, we were given supplementary classes. I repressed a groan curdling in my throat. Father will surely hear of this, and I really don't want to deal with that kind of thing right now. No, not when there were more important things than getting scolded by a parent. There was Maria Kurenai's sudden appearance on campus and especially Ame's absence from class. Her absence in class earlier today didn't go unnoticed by Zero. According to Takamiya-sensei, Ame had to leave early due to personal reasons and was picked up by a visitor, but Zero wasn't convinced. I worried for her. I wonder what happened. Was it family-related? Ame never really discussed about her family or anything personal. The only things that we really talked about were things that were school-related, that werewolf manga that she liked reading, and Zero. Now that I really think about it, Ame never once talked about herself. I wasn't sure what to think of that.

"Are you all right?" Zero asked me.

I sighed. "I'm fine. I'm just… worried about my father," I muttered.

It wasn't completely a lie, I tried to tell myself. I really was worried for Father's scolding. Regardless, I didn't like lying to Zero either way, but this was merely out of convenience and I certainly wasn't about to give Zero another reason to doubt Ame's sincerity. He already has his suspicions of her, Ame's sudden absence wasn't helping things, and my little realization would probably only be more fuel added to the fire and provide Zero all the more reason to distrust her. I wanted to believe in Ame. I wanted to believe in her kindness.

"Councilor Wakaba, you mean?" Zero inquired quietly.

I blinked, turning. "You _know_ my father?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"You come from an old and distinguished family, and your father's a councilor. Even _I_ should know something like that."

"Ah. Of course. Sorry. Yes. I don't see much of him due to his work and even then on holiday visits, but he means well."

I was being silly. How on earth would Zero have met Father when I rarely see him myself? Sure, Zero's a hunter, but any way you looked at it, he was still a high school student. Something like that would be unlikely. But the tone of his voice made me think otherwise.

"Speaking of your family, you're an only child, right, Wakaba?" Zero asked abruptly.

"Yes, but I've always wondered what it's like to have a brother or sister. It must be nice," I confessed, smiling. "I've always thought of Yuuki like a sister I never had. She's so honest and so full of life. Sometimes, I wish I was more like that. Hm. And you're… kind of like the older brother that I never had, Zero-kun."

"Me…? As an older brother…?" Zero repeated incredulously.

Well, I didn't _exactly_ see Zero as an older brother, but if I had one, then I suppose that it'd be nice if he was someone like Zero. "Yes. You're very grumpy and unreasonable, but you're a good person when it counts. And you've taken care of me all this time. I'm really thankful for that." I laughed. "Besides, you _must_ be a good brother, after all. _Ichiru-kun_ seemed to like you a lot while he was still in Cross Academy. How is your twin brother anyway? He transferred schools, right?"

Zero's fingers trembled slightly. He was silent for a long moment before he looked away. "He… He's fine, I think," Zero replied stiffly, as though he fighting to find the right answer.

I think? I wonder what he meant by that. "Eh? Zero-kun—"

"—As much as I _love_ your _sentimental bonding_, I have something to take care of. So, I trust that you two can stay where you are until your supplementary classes are over," Takamiya-sensei announced, putting on his coat and getting his bag. "You guys are old enough to follow instructions like that, right?"

Something to take care of? Surely, he couldn't mean…

Zero twitched. "Hey, Kaito…," he hissed, standing up.

Takamiya-sensei raised his hand, gesturing Zero to sit down. "Relax! I can take care of it on my own. And you're still a kid in trouble, you know. So, don't even _think_ of following me, Zero," he reminded him, exiting the door. "Just stick around here and be a good boy. You're lucky you have Wakaba-kun to keep you company. Just stay here and have fun with your _girlfriend_. Just try not to have _too_ much fun."

Zero was still standing even after Takamiya-sensei closed the door behind him. After a few more seconds, he finally exhaled and slumped back into his chair, slamming his fist into the desk. "That guy… Does he really think I'm just going to sit here and wait?" he muttered in irritation.

I looked at Zero. "When Takamiya-sensei said he had something to take care of, he really meant a _vampire_," I said. It wasn't a question. Even someone like me—someone who was neither a vampire nor a vampire hunter—could understand something as easily as that. But for Takamiya-sensei to say he had something to take care of… He made it almost sound like it was a tiring chore or like vampires were a pest that needed to be exterminated. But knowing Takamiya-sensei, it was probably intentional on his part.

Zero narrowed his gaze and nodded. "Yeah," he confirmed my suspicions.

"Are you going to follow him, Zero-kun?"

"Yeah."

Zero stood up and turned for the door, and for some reason, I found myself saying, "But he told you to stay _here_."

I never thought that I'd actually agree with Takamiya-sensei on _anything_, but here I was, trying to reason with Zero from following Takamiya-sensei and going to fight a vampire. I didn't know why I was trying to stop Zero at that time. Maybe it was because I didn't want Zero to see vampires like Takamiya-sensei did. I didn't want to see those cold and piercing eyes on Zero's face. I didn't want Zero to look at Yuuki with that kind of expression. I don't think Zero would ever look that way at Yuuki, but I saw that expression before when he killed that vampire who tried to attack me in the park; Zero probably didn't mean for me to see him like that, but I did and I will never forget those eyes—those eyes that made me think he was a complete stranger. I was afraid of him then just as I am afraid _for_ him now. I wanted to save him.

"Wakaba, what are you trying to say?" Zero asked, but he didn't look at me—no, he _wouldn't_ look at me.

I stood up. "I'm saying that you should stay here," I insisted. "Takamiya-sensei told you to stay here anyway."

"Like I'll listen to Kaito."

"What about _me?_ Will you listen to me?"

Zero turned. Was he annoyed by me or was he angry? I suspected both. "… Sorry, Wakaba," he said under his breath.

I frowned. Why did Zero want to follow Takamiya-sensei? It was only one vampire, right? Takamiya-sensei should be able to take care of it on his own. Why was Zero being so persistent? What would he hope to gain from this? What would _anyone_ gain from this? As I took a few steps towards him, the memory of Zero's frightening stare when he killed that vampire flashed in my mind. "You… _enjoy_ it, don't you?" I realized, stunned. "Killing vampires… Or is it that you find comfort in it? Does killing vampires _distract_ you? From your thirst for blood? From _Yuuki?_"

Zero turned around to face me, his glaring eyes stabbing me. "You don't know what you're talking about, Wakaba," he warned.

I gulped, but I maintained a straight face. "I think I do," I replied firmly, refusing to let Zero intimidate me. "I'm _right_, aren't I?"

"…"

"Zero-kun…"

Zero looked away. "You're right, Wakaba," he admitted. "It _does_ distract me from my thirst." He faced me and cocked his head.

I blinked. "Eh?" I asked, taking a step back. "Zero-kun?"

Zero walked over to me, his footsteps echoing in the classroom. I knew I shouldn't have been scared, but my heart betrayed me and started pounding. I flinched and stumbled back, falling into my chair as Zero cornered me. His hands leaned against either sides of the desks and barred me off. His face was inches close to mine. I could feel his breath on me. "If you give me some blood now, then I won't leave. I'll stay here with you. If not… I'll just walk out of this room, and you won't be able to stop me," Zero murmured and pointed at my throat. I shuddered as he traced his fingers down from my neck to the ribbon of my uniform and tugged at it. "But _your blood _could stop me, Wakaba. _What?_ _You_ wanted me to stay, isn't that right? I'm giving you a choice."

No, you're giving me an _ultimatum_, Zero, I thought. I knew Zero could come off as being aloof, insensitive, and unreasonable sometimes, but here he was doing this on purpose. He wanted to push my buttons and see what I could do—what I _would_ do. I'd usually give Zero blood with little to no complaint or resistance, but this time it was different. Zero never _pressured_ me for blood before. Sure, he was giving me a choice, but it didn't feel that way. And the way he looked at me right now… I tried to look away, but Zero cupped my chin and made me look at him, no matter how many times I begged him with my eyes. I didn't want to look at Zero, not like this. Not when he looked the same way as when I first found out about his secret—when he cryptically told me that I would hate him before lunging for my neck. I was almost afraid he would do that again if I refused him.

"You can't do it, can you?" Zero whispered mockingly into my ear. "You sure _suck_ under pressure."

I twisted my head, jerking Zero's hand off. Okay, now Zero was just being mean and I knew it. I sighed, looking down. "All right… All right, okay?" I agreed softly in defeat. "Just… try not to make a mess. We're in a classroom, after all."

I felt a little sick to find myself giving into this, but shouldn't I be used to this by now? After all… I'm just a replacement. I reached for my uniform and began removing my ribbon and unbuttoning my blazer. As soon as the collar of my white buttoned shirt was unbuttoned, Zero sank his teeth into my neck. I winced. Zero was drinking faster and taking too much blood than usual. I could literally feel the blood getting sucked out of me. My head started to cave in and grow dizzy. I rested my head against Zero's shoulder as my hands desperately clung to him in futile hope that that would make the pain somehow stop. I don't remember how long the feeding lasted, but I remember at one point I cried out and Zero had to cover my mouth. I breathed in and out heavily, searching for air. I felt scared, sick, and suffocated.

Zero was eating me alive.

When Zero was done, he made sure to stop the bleeding and pulled off his tie, wrapping it around my neck like a scarf. He looked at me for a moment, and though my vision was slightly blurred, it was in that moment that I really saw the Zero I knew. He gently pushed strands of hair that had fallen over my face behind my ear and leaned in towards me. "I'm sorry, Wakaba," he whispered.

And it was those three words that made me realize the terrible truth—I had just been _tricked_.

Zero stood up and straightened himself, wiping blood off his mouth with the back of his sleeve before turning for the door. The sound of his footsteps echoed in the room again—or was it in my head?—growing distant with each step. I forced myself to stand up, but found myself leaning against my desk for balance. My legs wobbled as I gritted my teeth together, trying to withstand the pain. I struggled to stare at Zero, finding him by the open doorway and looking back at me. My breaths grew hoarse. I couldn't tell what expression Zero was making. Was it regret? Pity? Or perhaps satisfaction that his plan worked?

"You planned this… the whole time, didn't you?" I accused him.

Zero shrugged casually. "I just found the opportunity and took it. You make it sound like I made you do it. I gave you a choice, remember? Besides, _you're_ the one who made it easy," he sneered, looking over his shoulder. "I wonder which one of us really _enjoys_ our little routine of give and take more. It certainly didn't take you too long to start _undressing_."

I felt my face burning up. I couldn't tell if I was blushing from embarrassment or if the rush of warmth was from the blood loss, but I think I already knew the answer. Zero humiliated me enough. This was just being cruel. No, this was his way of keeping me in my place.

"Don't even think about moving any further than that. You'll only hurt yourself, and you wouldn't be able to follow me even if you tried. Stay here. If someone finds you wandering the halls and your neck gets exposed, then it's all over for you," he warned me carefully, turning around. "You'll be exploiting the existence of vampires, and I don't think the Hunters Association will be too happy that you've betrayed their trust. You might even get your memories erased. Just stick around here and be a good girl. I'll come back for you soon enough."

"Zero-kun…," I could barely muster out the words. "I…"

"This is for your own good, Wakaba," Zero said. "You should really mind your own business sometimes. You'll get yourself hurt someday."

With those last words, Zero closed the door behind him… and closed himself from me.

My legs finally took its toll and buckled, and I fell to my knees. One of my hands clutched at my side. I was literally at the lowest point that I could have been. I should have been angry. I had every right to be. I should have felt bitter and betrayed. But I didn't. I wasn't sure what I felt at that time, but it wasn't bitterness or betrayal. It was something more profound than that. It was… sadness. I pitied him and I pitied myself because I couldn't save him from this. Maybe even Yuuki can't save Zero from himself.

Only Zero could, but he was fully content to drown.

… And he was making me watch.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	10. A Selfish and Scary Thought

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** I'm sorry for my once again lateness of updating. I know I said that I'd upload a new chapter around the time Chapter 75 of the manga came out, but I've literally been swamped with homework for the last few weeks, so I hope that you guys can give me a little break. This chapter was originally longer but because of the said length, I decided to split it up into two chapters. Sorry for the wait and thanks for your patience!

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

Sweat trickled down my forehead. I could barely move my fingers. All I could do was breathe in and out, in and out, hoping that Zero would return, hoping that someone—anyone—would eventually find me. My heart pounded. I was still alive. As long as my heart kept beating, I'd be okay. I can't remember how long I sat in that empty classroom waiting for Zero or how long it took until I collapsed onto the floor. I lost count on how many times I fell in and out of consciousness.

It was strange. I felt… _calm_. Even after my loss of blood, even after Zero's apparent "betrayal," even after the possibility that my situation might become serious, I felt completely and utterly calm. Or rather, I wasn't scared. I don't think I'm going to die. Zero can be quite the bully when he wants to be or when he wants to prove a point, but I don't think he'd endanger my life to the extent that it'd be a matter of life or death. I remember how he reacted when he discovered that Takamiya-sensei had helped smuggle me into the vampire soiree. I remember how his watchful eyes never lost sight of me during the ball, fearful of my safety. I remember how he interrupted my conversation with Sara Shirabuki by the mere provocation of her attempting to touch me. I remember how protective he was of me, how he held onto my arm as he dragged me away from Yuuki, Sara Shirabuki, and the crowd of vampires almost as though the mere action of letting me go would lose me forever. No, Zero would not endanger my life, not when he protected me so many times.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that Zero _cared_ about me. Perhaps on some level he did, but that was probably just wishful thinking on my part. It was only a year ago that we rarely exchanged words to one another. After all, back then, Zero was Yuuki's childhood friend and he was merely a classmate. I only talked to Zero when it was out of necessity. Any other words would only be out of politeness or if the situation called upon it—a morning greeting, a mention of Yuuki and schoolwork, or randomly discussing the weather. They were simple words; they were brief words. Our conversations barely lasted over a minute. If I felt like talking to Zero was unnecessary, I wouldn't talk to him at all. Zero and I were never really close. The only thing that brought us together was Yuuki. The only thing that connected us was Yuuki. It was all Yuuki.

But things were different now. After Yuuki's disappearance, I began to notice to the slow but visible shift between Zero and me. It started with Zero calling me out after learning that I was adamantly against my memories of the vampire attack on Cross Academy getting erased, my request later getting approved by the hunters. _Whether you choose remembering this or not is no business of mine, but you should've let them erase it_, Zero had told me. _There's no use in remember things like this. It'll only be trouble for you later on._ I remember the tone of annoyance in his voice. He didn't want me to remember because he knew what was coming. He knew that I would start asking questions about things that couldn't be answered and searching for answers that he would not give me. He knew that I wouldn't be able to live a normal life with this newfound knowledge. I knew that things would be different. But at the time—and even now—the risk meant nothing to me compared to what I would have lost in exchange. _There _is_ use in remembering it_, I replied to Zero. _These memories that I want to keep have Yuuki in them. I won't let anyone take that away from me._

After this moment, things began to change. Zero's visits started a week after Yuuki's disappearance. At first, these visits were scarce and would last up to a few minutes. It was weird at first. Zero never bothered to check up on me before, but I knew he had his reasons behind it. Yuuki was gone. He probably wanted to see how I was feeling, or rather, how I was coping. At the time, I didn't know that these visits were Zero's way of easing his loneliness. At the time, I thought he pitied me. I'd jokingly tease Zero that he didn't have to check up on me like this, but he still visited me once in a while. After this situation turned into a routine, he'd visit me every so often each week and it would last longer than mere minutes. And it didn't feel so weird anymore. In class, Zero would talk to me more, and I found myself talking back. Our conversations started lasting more than a minute. It was through one of our conversations that Zero offered to go to the city with me when I mentioned that I needed to go shopping. At first, I declined. I appreciated Zero's suggestion, but like his visits initially were, it felt weird. Zero and I never did anything together. The very thought of us even shopping together baffled me. Besides, I used to go shopping with Yuuki. It just didn't feel right otherwise. But the loneliness of wandering the city on my own that day drove me to agree when Zero gave me the same offer a few weeks later when I needed to get some clothes. These trips were occasional, but whenever I needed to get something, Zero would accompany me if he was free; if not, he'd suggest for me to go out on another day when he was. It was around this time that the rumors started. Fellow students began noticing our newfound closeness and assumed that our relationship went beyond friendship. Zero asked if I was bothered by the rumors, but I told him that there was nothing to be bothered about if it wasn't true. Zero was silent for a moment before he let out a chuckle and agreed with me.

At the time, I didn't question Zero's dealings as a hunter. It wasn't my place and I really felt no need to involve myself in things that weren't of my concern. I didn't really notice it until months passed and we started spending more time together. The more I thought about it, the more it perplexed me. Zero was a hunter, but Yuuki was a vampire. Why would Zero be involved in something like that if it threatened Yuuki? It didn't make any sense. But when I started questioning these things to Zero, things about vampires and Yuuki, Zero started to pull away and distance himself. That was when I learned then that there were things that I could talk about and things that I couldn't. I felt bothered by this development, but I tried to not let it get to me. Then Kaito Takamiya became a teacher-in-training at Cross Academy. It was Takamiya-sensei who helped me see Yuuki at the vampire soiree, and it was Takamiya-sensei who indirectly allowed me to see the side of Zero that was a hunter. It was in that ball that I truly started seeing that the Zero who would go shopping with me in the city and visit my room at night was not this Zero. This was a Zero that I wasn't supposed to see.

But it was because I saw this side of Zero that things turned the way they are now. I couldn't let go of what I saw, and I found myself falling deeper and deeper into this world of vampires and hunters—this world that I didn't belong in but forced myself to. I had no idea how deep I had been plunged into all of this until Zero drank my blood for the first time and I found out that he was a vampire. After that moment, nothing could ever be as it was between us. I could no longer put Zero at an arm's length even if I wanted to, and our relationship became… complicated.

Zero was right, though. I wouldn't be able to stop him, especially the way I was now. If I had let him leave without a fuss, then perhaps I could have followed him. He would have detected my scent and stopped me from following him again, but at least I would have been enough of a distraction. I could have stopped him. I could have saved him. But instead I was lying here, my face pressed against the floor, my breaths rasping for air; I was drained and tired and wasting time away while Zero sinks deeper into a darkness I cannot even begin to fathom. I knew stopping Zero from killing that vampire was foolish. Zero was vampire hunter. Killing vampires is what hunters do. It was their way of life. Who was I to tell him otherwise? But Zero was also a _vampire_. He was killing his own kind. He was killing people like him. And, in a way, Zero was killing himself. I wonder what Zero felt when he killed other vampires. Did he feel a twisted sense of satisfaction to rid the world of another apparent abomination? Did he feel pity for those who had to suffer just as he did? Or was each shot like a bullet to himself, reliving each and every one and yet unable to tear himself from his torment of being the very thing that he despised? I wouldn't be able to stop Zero, especially the way I was now. … But that didn't mean that I couldn't _try_.

I barely had enough strength to stand, let alone move, but I pushed myself. I forced myself up, only to collapse, but even then I tried again. I realized that pushing myself only made me more dizzy and disorientated, but I didn't care. I didn't care if I was doing for nothing. Saving Zero even a little was _not_ nothing. My legs wouldn't carry me, so my arms would have to. I crawled, pulling my body forward by my arms, but the strain of my body overtook me and I fell into a coughing fit, my throat dry and my breaths consuming. My vision started to distort and blacken. I was losing consciousness again.

No, not yet. Not yet. Zero-kun… That's right. I still needed to… needed to…

"_You belong neither in the world of vampires nor vampire hunters. You should start sticking that into your head, or you'll get hurt in the long-run. I can't have you overstepping your boundaries."_

"_This is for your own good, Wakaba. You should really mind your own business sometimes. You'll get yourself hurt someday."_

I know that I don't belong here… I get it, all right.

I know that I'm being selfish, but isn't selfishness… a part of being human?

"Please, tell me… Yuuki. Zero-kun, I…"

* * *

_"—chan!"_

_ "—yori-chan!"_

_ "—Sayori-chan!"_

My eyes automatically opened and I immediately sat up, jolted by the fragmented voice echoing in my head. My hands clung to my face as a moan escaped my lips, pain lurching in my head from the sudden movement. That voice… Who was calling out to me? It sounded like Ame, but… for a second… I almost could have sworn that it sounded like Yuuki.

"Good. You're awake."

I hastily removed my hands from my face and turned to find Zero sitting next to me, his back turned to me. His face obscured from my vision due to his long bangs, but his silver hair and voice were unmistakable. He was no longer wearing his school uniform and instead a coat over a shirt and pants. I touched my neck to find that Zero's tie was gone. He must have removed it while I was passed out. My fingers lingered to where Zero's fangs had pierced me.

"Zero… -kun?" I asked, confused.

It was only then that it hit me that I wasn't in the classroom anymore. I quickly scanned my surroundings. I was in a small room that almost seemed unused. I was sitting on a rickety bed. Next to the bed was a chair with two bags slumped on the seat and a wrinkled shirt hanging by the back of it. There were two windows to the side with their curtains shut and a dresser at the end of the room. The floors were wooden and scratched and the walls seemed old pressed wallpaper that attempted to restore the walls' original color. One part of the wall appeared to have been destroyed and had clear signs of being fixed. Bustling sounds of cars could be heard from outside. I've been in this room before—this room that smelled like Zero… and ashes.

I turned back to Zero and lowered my gaze. "I'm… in your apartment," I realized.

Zero cocked his head. "It was getting late when I came back to get you, and you were unconscious," he explained. "If I brought you back to the dormitories the way you were, it would've caused a commotion and people would start asking questions. So, I brought you to my apartment instead."

"… Which will cause an even _bigger_ commotion and people will start asking _more_ questions," I informed him.

Zero paused for a moment and shrugged his shoulders. "Ah," was all he could say in reply.

"You sure have some lame logic, Zero-kun."

"Why are you… acting so _normally?_"

I blinked. "Eh?"

Zero stole a glance over his shoulder at me before turning away. "You know what I did. You should be angry at me. You should be yelling at me," he muttered. "I… did something terrible. You should yell at me. You can hit me too if you want."

I frowned. Was Zero expecting me to do these things once I woke up? "I'm not going to punish you, Zero-kun, not when you seem so _keen_ on the idea. That's not really how things are supposed to work," I replied teasingly. "You did do something terrible, but I'm not angry and I'm not going to yell, and I'm certainly _not_ going to hit you. I know why you did what you did, so it doesn't matter." I paused. "Wait, what did mean by, _too?_"

Zero turned to face me, and the left side of his face was revealed to be reddish and bruised. "I already got hit," he answered.

I scooted closer to him and tried to touch his cheek, but Zero drew away. "Who…?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

"That guy… He could smell traces of your blood on me and pieced together what had happened. He was downright pissed and really gave a good one too... Kaito knew what we were up to this whole time, but _this_ is when he decides to get serious about it. Heh. Like _he_ could kill me the way I am now…"

I didn't know what Zero meant by that last part, but I really didn't feel like prying any more than I already had today. And I had a feeling that Takamiya-sensei knew of our little routines from the way he looked at me. Someone like Takamiya-sensei—someone who despised vampires to his very core—wouldn't, or shouldn't, have let Zero and I get away with our arrangement. So, why did he let it continue until now? What purpose did that serve?

I wobbled slightly, and Zero quickly grabbed me by the arm, though I managed to regain my balance. "You're not okay," Zero noticed.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "How long have I been asleep?"

"For a couple of hours," Zero replied, not meeting my eyes. "The bathroom is over there." He gestured to the door to the right of the room. "You can go take a shower. I left a change of clothes for you in there."

I complied, stood up, and walked over to the bathroom. It seemed that I recuperated to the extent that I could move without falling, though I was still pretty dizzy. I turned to Zero. "After I take a shower, you're going to take me back to the academy, right, Zero-kun?" I asked him. "I really should be getting back soon or I'll get into trouble."

Zero continued to avoid my gaze. "It's already past curfew. The gates are locked and it'll be a hassle to bring you back as it is."

It took me a few seconds for his words to process in my head. "So, what you're saying is… I'm going to stay _here?_ _Overnight?_"

Finally, Zero looked up and our eyes met. "Do you have a problem with that?" he asked me.

"I… No, I don't."

"Take a shower already, Wakaba."

I shut the bathroom door behind me. I placed my hand against my forehead and leaned against the door. I was in Zero's apartment. I was in Zero's bathroom. I would be wearing Zero's clothes and sleeping in Zero's bed. Would Zero be sleeping there _too?_ I didn't want to think about _that_. Something about this situation felt… _wrong_. Yuuki probably wouldn't like this. A part of me felt like I was betraying her by being this intimate with Zero—an intimacy that I assumed was reserved solely for her. I didn't like this situation at all, but if I insisted on returning to the academy, Zero would probably feel offended by my rejection, and I didn't want that either, no, that would only be another unnecessary issue in our already dysfunctional relationship. I sighed. Maria Kurenai's appearance, Ame's disappearance, Zero's betrayal, and my inexcusable actions tonight. There were certainly a lot of things happening today.

I started the shower before Zero suspected that my prolonged silence was a cry for something wrong. The warm water felt refreshing against my skin. My fingers impulsively found their way to the bite mark. I pressed my index and middle finger against them thoughtfully. I wondered what blood tasted like to vampires. Zero would certainly gulp down plenty. Was blood really that delicious? For that small moment, I allowed myself a selfish and scary thought—I wanted to taste blood… just like a vampire would, just like Yuuki and Zero would. If I was able to experience something like that, then maybe… I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself. My heart pounded. I was a human. I shouldn't be having thoughts like that. I felt disgusted by myself because in that small moment… I almost felt _intrigued_ by the idea.

After I finished showering, I changed into the clothes that Zero left for me—a long-sleeved, white collared shirt and baggy pants. These wouldn't be my first choice in sleeping wear nor would it be the most comfortable clothes to sleep in, but I suppose that they'd have to do. I sniffed the shirt curiously. It smelled like Zero. Then again, this was Zero's apartment; everything smelled like him. I was about to leave the bathroom when I noticed something on the counter. It was a small and intricately-designed tin case. I've seen this before. I opened the case to find pills. No, not pills—blood tablets. I gulped. _They're a substitute for blood to ease the hunger of vampires_, Zero had once said. Blood… The memory of my selfish thought surfaced and gnawed at me. I gritted my teeth together and closed the case. After a moment had passed, I slowly opened the case again and stared at the blood tablets. Is there really blood inside these? Whose blood? Were these artificially made or literally taken from human donors? That is, human donors… or victims. I took one tablet out and examined it carefully. I was a little baffled that one small pill could contain blood, but taking something like this was different from drinking a person's blood, wasn't it? If I swallowed this right now…

A sudden knock at the door caused my heart to jump.

"Wakaba," I heard Zero's voice. "Are you done? What are you doing?"

I hastily closed the case as quietly as possible and placed it back on the counter. The single blood tablet was still in my hand. I closed my eyes and impulsively shoved it into one of my pants pockets. "Sorry. I'm done," I reassured Zero. "I was just drying my hair. I'm coming out now."

I lied to Zero again. I really didn't like doing that, but somehow the words would easily slip out of my lips. I didn't like that either. I opened the door and exited the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Zero stood in front of me with watchful eyes. Could he detect my deceit? Did he hear me in the bathroom? Could he smell the blood tablet that I stole in my pocket?

"Sorry. You need to take a shower too, right? I'll get out of your way…," I muttered, trying to remove myself from him.

But Zero didn't budge. "I could hear you rummaging through the bathroom. What were you doing?" he questioned me.

I avoided his gaze. I was afraid that he could see my deceit written on my face.

"Hey, look at me. Wakaba, what were you doing in there?"

"I… was having a selfish and scary thought."

"What?"

I took the blood tablet from my pocket and revealed it in my hand. Zero's eyes widened and he automatically snatched the pill away from me. I took a step back, stunned by his abrupt action. He turned and went into the bathroom. He stood by the counter and stared at the case for a long moment. I wondered if he was counting them. He returned the pill to the case and putting the case in one of the bathroom drawers. I instinctively took another step back from Zero when he shut the bathroom door and returned to the bedroom. He walked over to me and took hold of my arm.

"What were you thinking, Wakaba? Don't tell me you…," Zero hissed. His voice mixed with bitterness and slight fear.

I shook my head furiously. The last thing I wanted was to upset him. "I didn't. I just… looked at it," I tried to defend myself to no avail.

"You… What was this selfish and scary thought you were thinking about?"

"It's really nothing, Zero-kun."

"Tell me."

"I… I wanted to know what blood would taste like… to a vampire."

Zero stared at me for a long moment. "Are you telling me that you want to _become a vampire?_" he demanded lowly.

I flinched. His eyes were glaring at me, yelling at me. I was surprised by how furious Zero was. At first, I thought he was angry at me for the sake of my selfish and scary thought, but it was more than that. "N-No, it's not like that. I don't want to be a vampire, Zero-kun," I quickly reassured him. That was the truth. I didn't know whether Zero believed me or not, but I didn't want to be a vampire. I rubbed my arm uncomfortably. "I was just curious," I admitted sheepishly. "I wanted to know if blood was really that delicious… to vampires, I mean."

Zero sighed. "Blood tablets are different from the real thing, you know," he muttered.

"I-I know that," I replied quietly.

"Then… Do you want to try it?"

Zero grabbed my arm. My heart pounded. The atmosphere of the room shifted ever so slightly.

I lifted up my head, my eyes widening. "_What?_"

* * *

**[rxr]**


	11. Let My World Crash

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** I know you all were waiting for new chapters. I know I'm not really good at updating, but with my schoolwork piling up and finals drawing near, I kind of had to put my fanfics on hold. But I do try to write and tweak them out when I have the time, and though I still have plenty of things on my shoulder to worry about over Thanksgiving break, I figured it'd be nice to give you guys a few new chapters in the meantime. I'll try to update more regularly once finals end. Regardless, thank you for the constant support and the reviews, and I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving weekend. :]

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

_"Blood tablets are different from the real thing, you know."_

_"I-I know that."_

_"Then… Do you want to try it?"_

_"What?"_

Zero pulled me by the arm to his bed and I felt my legs flimsily following behind. I had little time to think, littler time to struggle. We sat down next to each other, but I refused to look at him. How could I? My mind was already racing with questions that I didn't dare to ask. I finally stole a glance at Zero to find him rolling up his sleeve. He moved his arm to his face. I gulped, realizing his intentions only too late. "Zero-kun… What are you—"

"—I'm not encouraging your strange delusion. I'm only letting you have a taste if that's what it takes for you to realize how disgusting this is and put an end to this selfish and scary thought of yours," Zero told me. I flinched as I watched Zero sink his teeth into his wrist. Blood surfaced from the two punctured holes, red and oozing and rolling down his wrist. Zero extended his arm out to me and I could only stare in disbelief. This was _not_how I was picturing how our little sleepover was going to go. No, not in the slightest. Now that I saw the blood in front of me, I felt embarrassed and repulsed for even considering such a horrible thing.

"I… I changed my mind… I can't…," I whispered, looking away.

"Drink it," Zero said. "I thought you wanted to know what blood tasted like to a vampire."

"I didn't mean it."

"Yes, you did."

"Zero-kun…"

"Or are you just going to let me _bleed_ here?"

Zero always had a way with words. I regretted this entire thing. At most, I thought he'd merely be disgusted by it and by me. I could have handled that. But I didn't expect him to downright let me _experience_ my little thought. The thing was that whether I drank it or not, I wouldn't know how blood would taste to a vampire because I wasn't a vampire myself. That was all there really was to it. But I guess drinking blood in general was close to the real thing anyway. I slowly took Zero's arm into my hands and I stared at the blood. I gulped. This is what Zero drinks… and what Yuuki drinks too. Blood. I stole one more glance at Zero, and when I found his heavy gaze piercing me, I realized there was no way I getting out this one. I slowly lowered my head pressed my lips against Zero's wrist. After one gulp, I turned away and covered my mouth to stop the blood from coming back up. It curdled in my mouth and I began to cough. The taste was thick and awful, bitter and rusted like metal. The blood tasted different from the blood a human would taste if they accidentally bit their tongue or the inside of the cheek a little too hard. This blood was a vampire's blood—Zero's blood, and whoever else he drank from. Yuuki's blood was in this, and so was mine; I didn't know who else Zero had drank blood from.

"Was my blood… really that horrible?" Zero asked. I turned to see that he was drinking whatever that was left over on his wrist.

I wanted to tell him otherwise, but I was too tired to lie. "A little," I confessed.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have made you do that."

"No… No, I'm glad you did. If I didn't taste your blood, I probably would have tried that blood tablet of yours."

Zero chuckled under his breath. "You wouldn't like it anyway," he assured me.

I smiled and shrugged. "Guess not."

Zero met my gaze, and his staring lingered until he finally stood up. "It's getting late. You should get some sleep. You can tell me otherwise, but we both know you need plenty of rest after what you've been through," he said thoughtfully. Zero paused slightly uncomfortably and added for my benefit, "You don't have to worry. The bed's all yours."

I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow. "Then, where will you sleep?"

"That chair over there," he said, gesturing to the one beside the bed. "It's not much, but it's good enough."

"Zero-kun, I don't mind sharing a bed with you."

"You say that, but I can tell you're bothered."

He was right. I was bothered. But this was Zero's apartment and I really didn't want him to sleep sitting on that small and uncomfortable chair the entire night. He needed sleep as much as I did, and he went through a lot today too. "I used to share a bed with Yuuki sometimes. It'll be like that," I attempted to reassure him, but he wasn't convinced. I sighed. "Please, Zero-kun."

Zero turned off the lights. "Go to sleep, Wakaba," he told me.

I lingered sitting there before I slid into the sheets. I was surrounded by Zero's scent. I wasn't sure how to feel about that, but it's not like he smelled bad. Zero smelled… nice. Blinking, I felt the sheet lift to the side farthest from me. I turned to see the vague image of Zero slipping into bed. He folded his coat to substitute as a pillow. I could feel Zero's gaze meeting mine before he turned and rested on his side, his back facing me.

"Why aren't you angry, Wakaba?" Zero finally asked. "You should be."

I thought we were over this. I shrugged. "What's done is done," I replied. "There's no point in holding a grudge, is there?"

Zero chuckled quietly, bitterness in his tone. "You don't get angry easily, do you?"

I tried to suppress a smile. "Not really."

I nestled into a more comfortable position. Silence fell. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I was nearly asleep when Zero spoke again. "Wakaba… There's something you should know," he said.

I frowned and looked over my shoulder. "What is it?" I asked him.

Even in the darkness, I knew that Zero's eyes held mine. "The Night Class… is getting reinstated to Cross Academy."

My eyes widened. The Night Class? "But… But how?"

"It was decided upon a few days ago. Thanks to…"

"… Yuuki," I realized.

Then it hit me. Yuuki would be returning. Yuuki would be here. Yuuki. The empty desk would no longer be empty. My feelings flooded inside me and overwhelmed me. I would finally see Yuuki and hear her voice. I would see her smile. The mere thought of it made me smile. I lifted up my head to see Zero. Yuuki would be mine again, but she would also be Zero's. I wondered how Zero felt. Surely, he was as happy as I was, wasn't he? Now, things would be back to the way they used to be. But what would that mean for us?

Before I could find an answer, this moment was broken when pounding was heard on the door. Zero sat up immediately, got out of bed, and walked across the room. He hesitated for a moment at the door. I peered over from the bed, raising an eyebrow. Who could it be at this hour? Surely, it must be evening time right now or even midnight at the latest. Who…?

Zero unlocked and opened the door, and I was stunned to find who was at the door. Takamiya… -sensei?

There were so many emotions expressed on his face that I didn't know where to start. There was a mixture of annoyance, frustration, and weariness. Takamiya-sensei pushed Zero to the wall, holding him by the collars of his coat. I flinched. "Just where in that thick skull of yours do you think you can just waltz around and do whatever you want, Zero? Were you always this arrogant, or is this the newfound narcissism from the future Association president?" he demanded furiously. "I told you to take Wakaba Sayori-kun back to the dormitory… I found out from the gatekeeper an hour ago that she didn't return. The only reason I let you fetch her instead of me was because I thought even you could follow something as unbelievably easy as that!"

"It was getting late," Zero insisted quietly, unfazed by Takamiya-sensei's anger. "I had no choice but to bring her here."

"Really? _I__'__m_ convinced," Takamiya-sensei sneered sarcastically as he released Zero and flipped the light switch on. The light blinded me. I rubbed my eyes to find Takamiya-sensei staring straight at me. Realizing the implications, I sheepishly avoided his gaze. "There you are. Sorry to ruin your little sleepover, but I need you to get your things and come with me, Wakaba-kun," he said, sounding a little more reasonable. "I'm taking you back to the dormitories."

I lifted my head up. "What?"

"Get up and get your things. Or do you really want to spend the night with the vampire who almost killed you?"

Zero glared. My heart pounded. I honestly didn't know what to say or do. Takamiya-sensei was right. This—staying in Zero's apartment—probably wasn't one of Zero's best ideas in the world. After all, I _did_ end up drinking blood. But leaving would hurt Zero's feelings; I'd offend him, and the last thing that I wanted was to hurt him. And I didn't like the way Takamiya-sensei looked right now—or the way he looked at Zero. I didn't like his cold, piercing eyes. The same eyes Zero had when he hunted down that vampire. These eyes scared me. The bruise on Zero's cheekbone was still visible, and I could already feel the tension gradually escalating in the room.

I already knew my decision.

I did as I was told. I stood up and picked up my schoolbag. My movements were mechanical. Without looking at either one of them, I walked across the room to the bathroom and stuffed my school uniform inside. As I stepped out, Zero grabbed my arm, forcing me to stare at him. He said nothing, but his eyes told me everything.

Zero looked over his shoulder at Takamiya-sensei. "She doesn't have to go. … Not if she doesn't want to."

"Well, I don't really care what she _wants_ right now. I just need her _safe_," Takamiya-sensei replied coolly. "Besides, I don't think Councilor Wakaba would like it if he found out that she was sleeping in a boy's room. Isn't that right, Wakaba-kun? After all, that would be quite inappropriate for a young woman who's already—"

"—_That_ has _nothing_ to do with this…," I hissed, realizing that I answered a little too angrily than I had intended. I could feel Zero's gaze on me. A sigh escaped my breath. "I… And I really should be getting back," I insisted softly. "So, please. Zero-kun."

But Zero didn't budge. He glanced at Takamiya-sensei and then at me before narrowing his gaze. "What are you two talking about? What, is this a secret I can't know about?" he sneered, betrayal seething from his voice. I frowned, guilt rising to my face.

Takamiya-sensei raised an eyebrow curiously. "Ah." He smiled. I didn't like this smile and I didn't like where this was going. I knew what was coming. I knew it, and yet there was nothing I could do to stop it. "How cruel. You haven't told him yet, Wakaba-kun? That you're _engaged?_"

For a split-second, I could have sworn that my heart stopped beating.

_Engaged_. The word sank into my skin. I knew this word was a part of me, but I suppose it was childish of me to assume that the less it was spoken aloud, the less true it would ring. But the mere mention of it sealed it into stone. Heat warmed my cheeks, though it shouldn't have. It wasn't fair, I thought. Why should _I_ feel guilty? This was my personal business and private information; this had nothing to do with Zero. Zero didn't have to know. Zero… I suddenly remembered his presence beside me. I felt Zero's hand grip slightly only to loosen at my touch. I wrapped my arms around myself and turned from him. I was afraid to look at Zero, to see what kind of expression he had on his face. I wouldn't be able to stand it. I bit my lip. This wasn't fair. I wasn't in the wrong here to keep it from him. I wasn't.

So, why do I feel like the bad guy here?

Takamiya-sensei extended his hand out towards me. "Come, Wakaba-kun. We should get going," he said.

I glared, panged with a mixture of annoyance and shame. I refused his gesture and walked right past him to the doorway, and he followed after me. I left the apartment without looking at Zero. I didn't dare to.

If I did, I would have surely let my world crash and I was afraid to let it fall.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	12. Stalemate

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Here's part two of my Thanksgiving gift. Enjoy!

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

The car ride back to the academy was silent. Takamiya-sensei made no effort to talk, and I made no effort to break the ice. My mind was still processing everything that had just happened. Zero and I were fine. We were just fine. And then… And then… I tried to distract myself. I looked out the window and watched the world pass me by. But nothing helped. Nothing worked. The damage was already done. The car passed the gates and slowed into the parking lot in the back. The engine shut off. In my head, I sighed in relief. At least everything was over now. Even if it was just whatever remained of tonight, I could put this all behind me and clear my head and give myself room to breathe. But before I could barely open the door to escape, Takamiya-sensei reached over and pulled the door shut. I stifled at the smallest amount of his proximity.

"I think we need to talk, Wakaba-kun," he said. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Do you know why I told Zero your little secret?"

_Because __you__'__re __cruel_, is what I wanted to say. I tried to remove his hand from blocking the door handle, but Takamiya-sensei merely pressed his arm against my collarbone and my raised hands, preventing my movements. I glared at him. Did he really think I wanted a lecture after everything that happened within the past hour? But, of course, that didn't matter to him. Knowing that any struggle or resistance would be futile, I balled my hands into fists in defeat and bided my time.

"It's because I think a little distance will be a lot of good for both of you," he told me. "Whatever's going on between Zero and you, frankly I don't really care and the less I know, the better. But whatever you two are, it's unhealthy. He's killing you, and you're… you're accepting that. I had to step in."

"You didn't _have_ to…," I insisted inaudibly.

"It's my job to protect people like you from people like him," Takamiya-sensei replied. "If the Association knew about Zero's dealings with you… let's just say things won't get pretty." He glanced at me. "But here's my real question. Why didn't you tell Zero in the first place? Why was it so important for Zero not to know?"

Why _didn__'__t_ I tell Zero in the first place? I didn't know. "I tried to tell him before," I defended myself, remembering the time when Zero and I were studying in my room. "But _you_ interrupted." Takamiya-sensei raised his hands in surrender. "It was unnecessary, anyway," I muttered. "It was none of Zero-kun's business. He didn't have to know."

"Now, that's not true and we both know it. The moment you let Zero sink his teeth into that neck of yours, everything became his business."

I looked away. "Why are you telling me this?" I demanded quietly.

"Because it's for your own good." For my own good. Everyone seems to be telling me that lately. "Zero won't need you soon, and it's better to cut your ties to him now than later. I'm sure Zero already told you—the Night Class is getting reinstated." My unfazed look confirmed his suspicion. "That friend of yours will be coming back. Do you really think Zero will give you a second glance with your precious pureblood around?"

_No, __he __wouldn__'__t_, I realized. He wouldn't look at me at all. Yuuki would return, and… and things would turn back to the way they used to be. Being at arm's length, having conversations merely out of necessity. We would be classmates. We would be acquaintances. We would be strangers. We would be nothing. I should have been happy. From the beginning, this relationship of give-and-take was nothing but a burden. I had nothing to gain and everything to lose. I should have been happy. Yuuki was coming back. Yuuki would be here. Yuuki. The empty desk would no longer be empty and everything would return to the way it was—the way it should be. I should have been happy. Why wasn't I happy?

I didn't realize a tear had rolled down my cheek until Takamiya-sensei wiped it off with his gloved hand. I gritted my teeth together, and realizing that there was nothing blocking me from the doorway, I shoved his hand away and stumbled out into the parking lot. The other door to the car opened and I heard Takamiya-sensei call out to me. But I didn't listen. I tried to run, but again it was another escape that was thwarted. My arm was pulled backward, and I found myself staring straight at him. Both of my wrists were in his hands. I struggled to get away, to run away, to be anywhere but here, but all was in vain. Takamiya-sensei held me until I couldn't bear it anymore and the tears finally came pouring out. I forget how long I stood there in the cold night sobbing. I forgot how long Takamiya-sensei stood there comforting me, his arms enveloping around my small form.

But I remembered what I felt that day and what my feelings ultimately boiled down to—_hatred_. I hated this. To show weakness, to cry. I hated showing this side of myself to Yuuki or to anyone.

To not be in control—I hated that most of all.

* * *

For the past two weeks, I was met with silence. I spent the first week bedridden at Takamiya-sensei's order; he didn't want me overexerting myself after that incident in the classroom. The second week, I returned to class. Zero made no effort to avoid his classes, but he ignored me at every turn. There was still no sign of Ame. And I was alone with no comfort but that of the very person who caused my isolation in the first place and the empty desk that would soon no longer be empty. Things were slowly reverting to the way they used to be. Zero and I were at an arm's length. We were nothing more but classmates, acquaintances, and strangers. And maybe it would be better this way. If only we never crossed that line, if only we never entered that strange uncharted territory of our ambiguous relationship, then things could have stayed the same all along. Feelings wouldn't have gotten crushed; people wouldn't have gotten hurt. Hopes wouldn't have been brought up for nothing.

The bell sounded for the end of the day. I waited outside in the hall for everyone to leave before reentering the classroom. As I did, I recalled the announcement earlier today; Yagari-sensei announced to the Day Class about the Night Class' restoration. It was strange to see the underwhelmed reaction of the student body; if they all had their memories, the girls would have been excited. But for those who remembered the Night Class, for those who were able to retain their memories, they had more of a reaction. Of course, the Night Class wouldn't be arriving right away. Their dormitory had only begun being renovated after last year's incident, and they were probably still gathering students. I wondered how much longer it would be until I could see Yuuki again; I wondered how much longer it would be until Zero forgets about me.

I stepped into homeroom to find Takamiya-sensei fixing paperwork. I should have been angry with him, I knew. He ruined everything. He tarnished the relationship that I had worked so hard to mend time and time again. But I suppose I should have been grateful. If it wasn't for Takamiya-sensei, I wouldn't have had my eyes open to the truth. Takamiya-sensei looked up and met my gaze. "Wakaba-kun. Are you here to ask about Zero, or is it Yamamoto Ame-kun this time?" he smirked, sarcasm brimming from his voice. "Or are you just here to see me? Don't tell me you've fallen for me after that stunt I pulled the other night."

I stared at him, unfazed. "Of course not. As you already know, I'm almost a married woman," I replied just as coolly. "And besides, _you__'__re_ the one who asked to see me, sensei." Takamiya-sensei chuckled at my bold remark. I examined the classroom quietly. I had almost forgotten that the last time I was here I was nearly at the brink of death. For some reason, it felt like such a long time ago.

"How are you feeling?" Takamiya-sensei asked. "Have you been going to those appointments that I assigned for you?"

I nodded. "Yes." Takamiya-sensei made me visit the infirmary daily to make sure my health was recovering. Naturally, should my father or anyone find suspicion in this, these appointments were under the false pretenses that the flu was going around the academy. I found it all a little tedious, but I suppose that it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Good." Takamiya-sensei eyed my carefully. "And Zero and you…?"

I raised an eyebrow. So, that's what he wanted to see me for. "We haven't talked since that night. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"That's what _you_ should want. I told you, Wakaba-kun. It'll be better this way. Well, I need to get going and you have another appointment to attend to," Takamiya-sensei said as he stood up and gathered his belongings. He was probably going off hunting. I wondered if it would be with Zero. I secretly chided myself for thinking of him. Before Takamiya-sensei passed me, he patted my head. It was a small and kind act, but it was a little strange and unfamiliar. "Just hold up a little while longer, all right?" he murmured. "Your pureblood will be here and you'll forget all about him."

I lingered in the empty classroom a little while longer before leaving for my appointment. I wondered if it would really be that easy to forget about Zero. As I exited the classroom, I looked to my right to find Zero leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. Did Takamiya-sensei see him? How long had he been there? Zero held my gaze for a long moment before turning to leave. I knew his body language well; he wanted me to follow him. I pressed my hand to my heart. I knew this was a bad idea. Takamiya-sensei warned me to distance myself from Zero. I convinced myself that things going back to the way they used to be would be a good thing. I shouldn't follow him. But I did.

* * *

We ended up in an unused classroom on the second floor of the building. I pressed my hand against one of the desks and looked outside. I could already see the Moon Dormitory getting renovated. Why didn't I notice this earlier? I'm usually more perceptive than this. I looked over at Zero. This place was one of several of our rendezvous spots when Zero needed blood. That's what this was about then, wasn't it? Blood? After all, what else would Zero need from me? This was my only purpose for him—to be Yuuki's replacement.

_"Zero won't need you soon, and it's better to cut your ties to him now than later."_

_"That friend of yours will be coming back. Do you really think Zero will give you a second glance with your precious pureblood around?"_

"We can't do this anymore," I broke the ice.

Zero looked at me. "Why? Because you're _engaged?_" he challenged lowly. "Or did Kaito put you up to this? You two have gotten pretty chummy lately."

I couldn't tell if Zero was angry or jealous or both. The former seemed to suit his personality; the latter—I'm probably just being conceited with that one. So, both was out of the question. Or could it be that Zero disliked the realization that he didn't have as much influence over me as he thought he did? Zero's eyes were consuming and heavy, just as they always were, but I wouldn't let him or these eyes intimidate me or pull me in. Not this time. Lately, my emotions have been so difficult to repress. The Sayori Wakaba I used to be never had this sort of problem. The Sayori Wakaba I used to be was stronger than this. That's the type of person that I needed to become right now.

"My engagement has nothing to with this, and it has nothing to do with you. Please refrain from discussing it further, Zero-kun," I said. "Takamiya-sensei has nothing to do with this either."

"Then, why—"

"—Because Yuuki's coming back. Because… you won't need me anymore."

Zero's expression shifted slightly. He was quiet. Finally, he said, "… I still need you now."

My heart skipped a beat, and I inwardly scolded myself for allowing Zero to always get to me like that. I let out a small laugh. "_For __now_," I corrected him spitefully. "When Yuuki comes back…" I saw his expression shift slightly again. I sighed. "When _she_ comes back, do you really think we'll still be able to do this? Hide behind closed doors? Yuuki will smell my blood. Every single vampire in the Night Class will smell my blood on you."

"We were able to hide it before." He wasn't talking about me. He meant Yuuki. Yuuki and him. Before any of this ever happened.

"You won't need me. Why would you need a replacement when you could have the real thing?"

Zero fell silent again. "The Moon Dormitory has only begun having renovations. We still have time…," he began.

I turned away from him. So, he _will_ cast me aside once Yuuki returns. I knew it, and yet it hurt all the more once I heard it straight from Zero's mouth. What good was our time together when it would only be fleeting? What good was time when all it was really was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode the moment Yuuki steps onto the school grounds? I shut my eyes. "When Yuuki returns, I think things should go back to the way they used to be," I let the last words I wanted to say roll out of my lips. "It'll be easier that way and less complicated. And we won't have to explain anything to Yuuki. That would be better for both of us, don't you think, Zero-kun? In the end, Yuuki will return and we both should be happy about that."

Zero narrowed his gaze. "_Should_ be?" he asked. "Are you… not happy, then? Wakaba?"

I flinched and took a step back from the desk. I _was_ happy, wasn't I? The moment I heard that Yuuki would be returning, my heart was overjoyed. I was happy. Or, at least, I was happy before I knew what I would lose for what I would gain. With Yuuki returning, I would lose Zero. Yes, if Zero and I had never overstepped our boundaries, then I could have kept him at an arm's length and things would have been easier. But over the past year, Zero has grown to become a much bigger person than I'd realized. He became a piece of my world, of a world that once revolved solely around Yuuki. Zero was important to me. Zero was precious to me. He meant so much to me, and yet… and yet… Yuuki was my world. She meant everything to me. With odds like these, my choice should have been easy. Yet, here I was, wavering and irresolute. I was a horrible friend.

"Let's not talk about this anymore, Zero-kun," I finally said. "I'm tired."

I headed for the doorway, but Zero grabbed my arm. "Wakaba…"

His voice was soft, almost pleading. His hold was loose. I could have easily slipped out of his fingers if I tried. Did I even want him to let go? Heat rose to my face and I could feel my resolve beginning to falter. I couldn't be thinking like this. I shouldn't be. This wasn't an easy decision for me, I reminded myself. The last thing I want to do is to hurt Zero, but I didn't want Yuuki to hate me. Either way, I was a horrible friend to both of them.

"Zero-kun, why are you doing this?" I asked him. "Why are you putting me… in such an unfair position?" What am I to you?

"I told you, didn't I, Wakaba? I'm a selfish and greedy person," Zero said, taking a step closer to me. Both of his hands slowly wrapped around my waist. His movements were careful as though I would break under his very touch. I wanted to free myself from his web, but I found myself sinking into it instead. "I take things I want because I want them. I don't think about the feelings of others because it's irrelevant to me. What I want is all that matters." He paused. "But your feelings matter to me. _You_… matter to me." I slowly looked over my shoulder to find his eyes meeting mine. "Because the thing that I want… The person I want is—"

"—_No!_"

I ripped away from his arms and spun around to face him. I didn't want Zero to finish that sentence. If he finished that sentence, then everything would be ruined. If he finished that sentence, then we really could never go back to the way things were. My heart threatened to leap out of my chest. All my resolve to be the Sayori Wakaba who kept her emotions in check was gone. All my feelings were in disarray. I gulped. It _isn__'__t_ me… It's _not_ me. There's no way that it could be me. There must be some kind of mistake. I'm nothing like Yuuki. I'm not as wonderful as her. I don't shine like the sun like her. I'm not as radiant as her. I don't stand out. I prefer staying in the background. I don't try to make friends or involve myself with others if I could help it. I can't smile like her. I'm not like her at all.

"It's Yuuki… It's always been Yuuki," I begged him. I tried to reason with him. "So, please. Zero-kun… Please don't say… what you were going to say. You'd regret it." I took a step back and tried to leave, but Zero grabbed my arm again. This time, his hold was tight. I wouldn't be able to slip out of his fingers this time.

"Do you think this is all a game, Wakaba? A joke?" Zero uttered, frustration rising in his voice. "Now, who's the one being unfair?"

His words stabbed me. "No… No, but…," I muttered helplessly. His gaze was too heavy; I avoided his eyes. "You… You're in love with Yuuki, aren't you, Zero-kun? Your feelings were always so transparent. I've known all along. Yuuki… She feels the same way. D-Did you know that? I've watched her. I've watched over Yuuki for a long time. I know she feels the same way, so… so…"

"She's with Kuran now," Zero said. I blinked. Kuran? Kaname Kuran? But how? And why? Then again, everything from that vampire soiree made sense now. That was why Yuuki was by Kaname Kuran's side; that was why they were together. Yuuki and Kaname Kuran… They were… "Besides, do you really think I could love someone like that?" Zero sneered. "A vampire? A pureblood, no less?"

I looked up at him. Zero's feelings were always so transparent. Even now, I could see them so clearly. "… If it was Yuuki, then I think you could."

"Don't… Don't say that. And don't twist my words. I'm trying to tell you that the person I want is—"

"—Temporary. A phase. That's all this is. That's all _I_ am. Once Yuuki returns… you'll forget all about me."

Zero stared at me. He looked so sad. I wondered if it was because I was rejecting him or if it was because he knew my words were true. He chuckled bitterly. "How could I forget about you… Wakaba?"

His words always had this way of pulling me in. Did Zero know that? He probably did. Zero truly was an unfair creature. I didn't know how much longer I could stand this. I was ready to let Zero go. I was ready to give up whatever we had. I was ready to do this all for Yuuki. But Zero always had this way of pulling me in.

"I'm engaged… Zero-kun."

"I know."

"I'm engaged."

"I know…"

We just keep going back in circles, don't we? Is that all we can do, Zero? _Forget __about __me_, I wanted to say. _And __I__'__ll __try __to __forget __about __you __too_. But here we were, standing at a stalemate with neither one of us certain of our future and if this future had each other in it. All we knew was that it was coming. Zero's hand slipped down and found my own. I stared at our intertwined hands and a sad smile formed on my face. Our hands looked so small and simple. When did things get so complicated? But, then again, they always were.

I closed my eyes and let go of his hand.

"We can't do this anymore."

* * *

**[rxr]**


	13. Parting

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Happy New Years (Eve, for me, anyway)! I hope everything is having a nice time. :]

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

Slowly, things began to shift and revert to the way things were. I resumed classes, Zero resumed his Hunter's Association activities, and we've barely exchanged words beyond brief greetings. The span of the past few months couldn't be erased so easily, but secretly I hoped it would. Takamiya-sensei was right. Zero and I needed some good distance. Our relationship—whatever we were—was unhealthy, and I couldn't keep giving Zero blood forever. I wanted to save Zero, to ease some of his pain, but that would become Yuuki's job again. Engaged with Kaname Kuran or not, Yuuki would always be bonded to Zero, and Zero to her. They were perpetually intertwined. My relationship with Zero, on the other hand, was far more delicate.

"_But your feelings matter to me. _You_… matter to me."_

"_Because the thing that I want… The person I want is—"_

The mere memory of his words sent chills down my spine. It's not like this was something I could have forgotten so easily. Everything was still fresh in my mind: his warmth, his arms wrapped around me, his gentle voice. In that single and brief moment, I had to admit that I was a little… _happy_. In that moment, I was only person in Zero's eyes. There was no trace of Yuuki in them. He was mine and mine alone.

Guilt flooded through me. I felt horrible. I shouldn't be having thoughts like this. A year ago, I never would have had thoughts like.

I made the right decision. I had no regrets. … No regrets.

I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts. It was lunch period, and I was sitting on a bench in the courtyard with an open book in my lap. The weather was a little gloomy and cold, but I didn't mind it too much. It was strange. Sitting here and biding my time by the library reminded me of the day that I was waiting for Ame. It's been weeks since I've seen her. Was she really gone due to "personal reasons," or was it something else entirely? Of course, it concerned me that around the same time Zero told not to trust her, Ame had disappeared, but I wanted to give Ame the benefit of the doubt. She didn't do anything bad. She was a good person. Surely, she'd return to the academy soon.

I sighed and stole a glance at the forest. The Moon Dormitory was still under renovations, but it wouldn't be long before the Night Class returned. It wouldn't be long before I would be reunited with Yuuki and lose Zero in the process. I chuckled to myself. Who was I kidding? I lost Zero the moment I rejected him. Zero wasn't mine anymore, but then again, he was never mine to begin with. He was always _hers_. And she was always his. And there was no place for me to go in-between them. It seems that I always end up stumbling into things that shouldn't be any of my business.

When I returned to class, I found a folded note on my desk. I frowned and scanned the room. Who could it have been from? It certainly couldn't have been from Zero. If he needed to find me, he wouldn't have gone through such means. He would have merely asked me up-front. That is the type of person Zero is. I placed my book on my desk and retrieved the note. I sat down and considered the thought that it was some sort of confession, but I reassured myself that it would be nothing of the sort. I never showed any boy in class special attention and made myself as unnoticeable as possible. Then, who was it from?

I unfolded the note.

I didn't realize it at the time, but Zero was watching me from the doorway of the classroom.

* * *

_Meet me in the forest behind the Moon Dormitory before dusk._

There was no name and no other information—only a request. It was late in the afternoon. The skies were a mixture of orange and pink. I slid the note into the pocket. The person who sent the note was confident enough to think I'd answer it. That much was obvious. I guess I couldn't leave whoever this was person disappointed. I inhaled a breath and stepped into the forest.

Any other person with some decent common sense wouldn't be doing this, but I figured it wouldn't hurt. I was still on campus and not too far from the class halls. Students would be attending to their extra-curricular activities or be at the dorms, and the renovations usually stopped around this hour, so no one would see me or ask questions. And the Night Class wasn't here yet, so there would be nothing to be scared of. Now that I thought about it, I never really ventured to the Moon Dormitory. I knew where it was on campus, but I was never interested in the Night Class, so I didn't really see the point. And at the time, they scared me. There was always something different about them—the way they were flawless and beautiful creatures, the way they intimidated you and yet drew you in, the way they stared at you intensely with their eyes, the way they seemed to have everyone wrapped around their little fingers. I shuddered slightly. I hoped that these feelings would go away once Yuuki returned. After all, I wasn't scared of my best friend.

I was nearing the back of the Moon Dormitory when I heard a twig break. I spun around, staggering back a little, to find no one in sight. Everything was the same. The trees, the fallen leaves and twigs. Nothing seemed out of place. I scolded myself for being a little worried. It was probably a bird or something, nothing more. Then again, I was attacked by a vampire in such a seemingly innocent environment once before. I looked up at the sky. The sun would be setting soon. A part of me regretted going off on my own so recklessly, but I was already out here, so there was no way around it anymore. I should just get whatever this was over with and return to the dormitory. When I turned back at the Moon Dormitory, I saw someone there. She was leaning against a tree. She wasn't dressed in a Day Class uniform and instead a long, brown coat, a knee-high skirt, dark tights, and matching dark boots. As I neared her, I noticed the girl's raven black hair wrapped in two, neat pigtails and brown eyes. They were unmistakable.

I faltered as I approached her. "Ame… -san?"

The girl looked up and smiled. Yes, I remember that smile. It was small things like that that made her remind me of Yuuki. "Hello, Sayori-chan," Ame greeted me quietly. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

I wasn't sure what to say. It has been quite some time, but seeing Ame in person made me think she had only been gone since yesterday. "Ah… Yes, it has," I replied. "You left your note nameless and knew that I would come." I let out a small laugh. "I had no idea that Ame-san was the _dramatic_ type."

Ame grinned. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Sayori-chan," she murmured.

"Are you all right?" I asked her. "You were gone from class due to personal reasons, isn't that right?"

"Yes, you could say that. It's all been settled now." Ame peered at me carefully. "You don't look so well. Have you fighting with Kiryuu-san again?"

Ame can always see right through me. "You could say that. It's… nothing, though. It's settled now, too," I reassured her.

Tilting her head, Ame didn't seem very convinced. "Heeh? Is that so? Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asked me again. "Tell me what's bugging you and we can start from there!"

I giggled. This was just like when Ame was trying to help me through another fight I had with Zero. "Really, it's nothing. I'm just glad you'll be returning to class, Ame-san," I changed the subject. I smiled. It would be nice to see a familiar face that I can actually talk to.

Ame looked down and closed her eyes. "Sayori-chan… I'm not returning to class."

I blinked. "Eh? Ame-san… What do you mean… by that?"

Ame looked up and smiled, but this time her smile seemed a little weary. "I meant exactly what I said, Sayori-chan. Starting tomorrow, I won't be returning to class or seeing you anymore. I'm leaving Cross Academy."

"But… But why? You just got back…," I began, confused. Why was Ame leaving? Why now, of all times?

"My services are no longer required. At least, that's what… Kurenai Maria-sama told me."

"Kurenai… Maria-san?"

Ame nodded. "Yes. You see, my family is indebted to the Kurenai family. So, when Maria-sama asked me to enroll into Cross Academy, I accepted." She giggled, but there was nothing light or friendly about her laugh. It almost sounded hollow. "Don't you get it, Sayori-chan? Haven't you ever wondered why I always asked about you and Kiryuu-san?"

My heart pounded.

"_Hey, can you tell me something, Sayori-chan? What's going on between Kiryuu-san and you?"_

Ame, what are you trying to say?

"_Does Kiryuu-san take you to the city a lot, Sayori-chan?"_

You're not… You can't be…

"_But I'm surprised, Ame-san. For someone you don't like very much, you're actually quite perceptive of Zero-kun."_

"_P-Perceptive? It's not like I notice him because I want to!"_

Ame…

"_Hm… Well, isn't it obvious, Sayori-chan? We're classmates… but we're friends too, right?"_

Her smile disappeared.

"I was sent here to spy on you, Sayori-chan," Ame told me. "You… and your precious Zero-kun."

I took a step back. "Eh?" It didn't make any sense. Why would Maria Kurenai ask for such a thing? We barely knew each other, barely exchanged words. So, why…? Then, it hit me. Maria's slight hostility to me. Her parting words.

"Maria-sama wanted to make sure you weren't stealing Kiryuu Zero-san away. After all, Kiryuu-san is her only connection to _him_."

_Him?_ Who was Ame talking about? I frowned. "Then, all this time… We weren't really friends, were we, Ame-san?" I asked her softly.

Ame paused and looked away. "I'm not sure. I mean, I was just playing schoolgirl this entire time. Who knows what was real and what wasn't," she murmured. She turned to face me. "I… did have _fun_, though. That's something I know for sure. I don't regret meeting you, Sayori-chan." Ame sighed and kicked a pile a leaves. "But with the Night Class returning to Cross Academy, Maria-sama doesn't need an extra pair of eyes to watch over you two anymore. And that girl will be coming back too—the pureblood, Kuran Yuuki-sama."

"Yes, that's true," I agreed, shoving my hands in my pockets. And soon, my services will no longer be required either. "So… I guess we won't be seeing each other again, will we?"

Ame pondered this over. She shrugged. "I don't know about that. Who knows? I might see you in the future," she said. "Sorry, I lied to you, Sayori-chan. But I meant what I said before. I really did have fun."

I shook my head. "It's all right," I replied. "This isn't how I thought our next conversation would be. This isn't how I thought we'd part ways either, but… I had fun too."

Ame sighed in relief and turned. "Mm, is that so? I'm glad. Well, I better get going." She paused and looked over her shoulder. "Oh, and before I forget, I should probably warn you. _Hunter-san_ is watching you from that tree over there!"

Hunter-san? I blinked and turned around. A few yards down, I could see half of Zero's figure shrouded by one of the trees. Zero…

Ame shrugged. "Guess he still doesn't trust me. Sorry, Kiryuu-san! You're not so scary after all! You're actually a little cute, but too bad brooding guys aren't my type! No hard feelings, okay?" she called out to him playfully. I saw Zero stir with some annoyance.

Then Ame walked over to me and took my hands in hers. I stared at her. This was the first time we made any real physical connection.

"Ame-san…," I began.

"Did you know, Sayori-chan? I like you better when you smile than when you're down in the dumps," Ame whispered to me. "What's bugging you the most? Start from there. I told you that, didn't I? If you start from there, then I'm sure you and Kiryuu-san will be fine." She waved our arms back and forth. "You… should be more honest with your feelings, Sayori-chan. This'll be between us, okay?"

Ame released me and turned around to leave. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at me. It was probably the warmest smile that I've ever seen next to Yuuki's.

"Bye-bye, Sayori-chan!"

"Goodbye, Ame-san."

And with that, Ame walked away and I watched her until her raven black hair disappeared among the trees. I honestly wondered if that would be the last time I'd see her. I stared at my hands and remembered Ame's warmth. I smiled and decided to believe in Ame's words. Maybe we would see each other again someday. I pulled out the note from my pocket. It was strange. Ame lied to me, but I couldn't find it in my heart to be angry with her. I guess it's hard to be angry when you're already sad or when you're saying goodbye to a friend.

I put the note back, and turning around, I saw Zero walking up to me. "Zero-kun…," I said. "That was a little embarrassing, wasn't it? I hope Ame-san didn't hurt your pride."

Zero exhaled. "It was just nonsense," he replied. "What were you two talking about?"

"Did it? So, it did. Mm, it was nothing," I told him, a little baffled. I decided not to say anything. After all, that was between Ame and me. "You came because you were worried about me, weren't you, Zero-kun? Thank you." Even now, he was still looking after me.

"I thought the note was suspicious. That's all."

I smiled. Zero always did try to play the cool guy. I looked up at the skies again. The sun was setting. I wrapped my arms around myself. It was getting cold; I should probably return to the dorms soon. I looked over at Zero. That's why he told me not to trust Ame, I realized. He must have known all along that Ame was working for Maria Kurenai. Or, at least, he probably smelled Maria Kurenai's scent on her and put the pieces together. I wondered if Ame was a vampire. I don't think she would have been able to get away with it while enrolling in the Day Class, but whether she was a human or a vampire, I suppose that it didn't matter.

In the end, Ame was still my friend.

* * *

**[rxr]**


	14. Hypocrisy and Honesty

**Left Behind**

**a/n:** Chapter 13 was originally going to be much longer, but all the information got sort of bunched up and I didn't the way it was flowing all together, so I just decided to split it up (hence Chapter 14). I'm also debating whether to end this fan fiction in a few chapters or not. As much as I love _Left Behind_, I really don't want to get too into the recent manga arcs if I can help it. Granted, Yori's appearing quite a bit more in the manga now, but still. And I'm sorry for the belated chapter. I've recently had a surgery and I'm currently recovering from it. It's no excuse—and I don't intend it to be one, but I just wanted everyone to know that. Anyway, enjoy!

**Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino**

* * *

It dawned on me that this was actually the first, real conversation that I had with Zero since the day I ended things. This is the first time we'd been alone together too. My heart pounded. With Ame leaving, I had almost let that slip my mind. I wish I had.

Zero turned. "I'll walk you back to the Sun Dormitory," he offered.

I was ready to decline his offer, to remind Zero that we can't go back to the things were between us, but I realized this would do no good. Obviously, Zero wouldn't leave me alone in the forest and if I rejected his offer, I was positive we'd always end up in some sort of misunderstanding or argument. I wasn't second-guessing my decision about Zero and me. My hesitance earlier was a weakness: a weakness that I would have to eradicate. Before the Night Class returns. Before Yuuki returns. I would not betray her. No, I'll only comply with Zero now to please him, to not make things more complicated than they already are. This is a friendly gesture, I told myself. He's being friendly. Zero is the type of person who wouldn't leave someone alone like this. And I wasn't going to trample over his good deed.

"All right," I finally agreed. "Let's go back, Zero-kun."

Zero stared at me, apparently expecting different words or an extended exchange. Clearly, he didn't expect me to agree with him so cordially. He lingered for a moment before he turned and we began walking. I hoped Zero didn't take my compliance as an invitation. My compliance was merely necessary under the situation. Zero wouldn't have left me alone, and I didn't want to get into fights with him. My agreement was the fastest way to get out of the forest.

The walk back from the Moon Dormitory to the Sun Dormitory felt longer than it did before. Every tree in the forest looked identical, and it seemed like we were wandering in an endless labyrinth. Zero walked ahead of me while I trailed behind. I tried to distract my mind with other thoughts. School. Horseback riding. Shopping. Yuuki. But instead of those potential thoughts, a different one appeared instead: my conversation with Ame.

"_What's bugging you the most? Start from there. I told you that, didn't I? If you start from there, then I'm sure you and Kiryuu-san will be fine." _

Her voice echoed in my head so clearly. Why was I thinking about that moment—that conversation—now, of all times? I knew the answer only too quickly. Zero. This conversation was about Zero. Even though I tried to steer my thoughts away from him, he always ends up on my mind. What _was_ bugging me the most? Zero? No, it wasn't Zero. Maybe it was this awkwardness, this tension between us. Maybe it was everything that happened between Zero and me in that empty room. Maybe it was the thought of losing Zero. Maybe it was the thought of betraying Yuuki. Maybe it was Zero's unspoken words. It could have been any of those; it could have been all of them. The only thing that I knew of—the only thing that I was sure of—was that I didn't want to hurt Zero.

My gaze poured against his back. When a person disappears from your life, you begin to remember things about them that you didn't notice or care too much for before. When Yuuki disappeared, I remembered her in a cotton sweater she'd sometimes wear or the way her scent filled our dorm room or the way she would sleep so peacefully on nights when she wasn't so restless. I even remembered when one of the horses kicked her after getting provoked by something. I remembered these things, and yet I've forgotten. I forgot what color the sweater was or what the scent smelled like or if Yuki snored in her sleep or not. I don't remember the name of the horse that kicked Yuuki. I didn't realize until now, but Zero was tall. Our heights were obviously different, but I never took it into consideration until now—until I stared at his back and saw how long and broad it was. Zero could tower over my figure so effortlessly. I didn't realize something like this until it was right in front of me. This image—I didn't want to forget it like the sweater and the scent. This would all I'd have of Zero left. This memory. My hand reached out, and before I could stop myself, I grabbed onto his blazer.

My eyes widened in shock and I quickly let go, but it was already too late. Zero had noticed and turned.

"What?" he asked, perplexed. "Did you lose your footing?"

He thought I tripped. I sighed in relief and shook my head. "No. Sorry, it's nothing," I hastily apologized, just wanting this little slip-up to pass. I covered the hand that touched him with my other hand sheepishly and blushed. _How embarrassing…_, I scolded myself.

Zero frowned, scratching his head. "Here," he said, extending his free hand out to me without thinking. We stared at each other for a moment before he awkwardly began to lower his hand, realizing that we could not be as comfortable with each other anymore. Seeing that expression on his face again bothered me more than it should have, and I instinctively grabbed onto his arm with both of my hands. Another slip-up.

I immediately let go of him, startled by my own actions. "S-Sorry. I…," I began aimlessly.

Is this how it would always be? Would Zero and I act ridiculous around each other, unable to have a normal conversation or a common gesture without stumbling over them? Everything seemed to feel so awkward now, more so than when Zero and I were starting to become friends. Perhaps I ended things too hastily, too rashly. Perhaps we didn't end things on well terms as I had thought. Ame told me to be more honest with my feelings, but maybe I'm just not an honest person. I was never really one to speak my mind or voice my thoughts. They were private and personal, after all. But I guess it was because I didn't really think it was that important; I guess I was afraid no one would listen. Would Zero… listen? I slowly found myself grabbing his arm again.

Zero was uncertain on how to interpret my abrupt action. He appeared reluctant towards my touch, but he wasn't discouraging it. "What are you…?" he asked, taking a hopeful step forward.

I blinked rapidly. No, this wasn't an invitation. I had to say what I had to say before he got any wrong ideas. "Say, Zero-kun… Can we talk?" I asked him quietly. "About… what happened before?"

Zero flinched and jerked my hands off of his arm. "_Don't touch me_," he growled.

I was jolted by the sharp physical and verbal rejection. Those were the same words that he told Yuuki at the vampire soiree. My heart pounded. I placed my hand against my chest. This pain inside me... Did Yuuki feel this way when Zero rejected her? Did Zero feel this way when I rejected him?

"It's getting late. We should get going," Zero changed the subject and turned. I grimaced and reached out, my hand nearing his back once more.

"W-Wait a minute—"

"—Why? Why should I listen to a _hypocrite's_ words?"

I flinched. My hand faltered and finally fell to my side. I lowered my head.

"—_No!"_

"_Please don't say… what you were going to say. You'd regret it." _

That's right. That day, in the empty classroom, I didn't listen to Zero. But I did it to save us—save what was left of us, anyway. Those words, if ever spoken, could never be taken back nor could they be forgotten. Once said, it would destroy us both. We can't have the relationship we had only days ago, but we could still cling to what we had before all of this happened. We could be classmates again and talk only out of necessity: a morning greeting, a mention of Yuuki and schoolwork, or randomly discussing the weather. It wasn't much, but we'd still have something to hold onto; _I_ could have still something to hold onto. I was being selfish; I didn't listen to him, but then again, there were a lot of times where I didn't. Whenever a conversation went unplanned, whenever he took my arm when I wanted to leave or looked at me with eyes that wanted to be met, sometimes I'd avoid the touch or ignore the glance. It was an automatic impulse to reject anything that contradicted my world that once revolved around Yuuki. And Zero… Well, Zero was one, big contradiction in my fragile world.

I lifted up my head and stared at him. The last thing that I wanted to do was to hurt Zero—I tell that to myself over and over again—and yet it seemed that no matter what I did or what I didn't do, hurting him was the only option. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. But, most of all, _I_ wasn't fair.

"_You… should be more honest with your feelings, Sayori-chan."_

Why _should_ I? The end result would only be the same and bringing it up only brought Zero and me pain. I ended things with Zero; I made that very clear with him. Any further contact would only give us false hope for a friendship that could never prosper; anything more than that was a delusional fantasy. I shouldn't be doing this. Deceiving Zero was unkind, but honesty was much worse.

I pulled out Ame's note from my pocket and stared at it again. I closed my eyes and loosened my hold, letting it slip out my fingers. _Say, Ame-san_, I wish I could have told her. _Did you know? Being honest with yourself is more difficult than I thought._

"Mm. You're right, Zero-kun. Of course you are," I decided and began to walk ahead of him. "Forget what I said then… okay?" In the end, I shouldn't have said anything at all. Zero was right. I'm sure Ame just wanted to help, but I think her advice did more harm than good.

Everything happened so fast that I didn't have time to process it all. Before I knew what was going on, I was cornered into one of the trees, my back pressing against the wood, as Zero stood in front me with one of his hands at my collarbone and the other holding my wrist. Pain panged from my back and wrist, and the tree shook slightly from my impact. A leaf or two fell into my hair. My breath stiffened and I looked down, unable to stare Zero in the eye. I was afraid of what expression I'd find on his face.

"Z-Zero-kun… I-It's getting late. You said so yourself, didn't you? We should really be going…," I hastily tried to persuade him. When that didn't work, I tried to push him from me with my free hand, but that only made him press me back harder. "Zero-kun… What are you…?"

"Just tell me what you were going to say already!" Zero yelled. I flinched. Noticing my reaction, Zero lowered his gaze and gritted his teeth together. He exhaled and then spoke in a lower, softer voice, "… Then, you can stop tormenting me."

I looked up at him, incredulous. "_I'm_ tormenting _you?_"

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get _what?_"

Zero stared at me, as if his stare alone was an answer enough. I was tormenting Zero? How could I… Perhaps I was. Zero would have never brought up that discussion in the empty classroom unless it had something to do with me—unless _I_ did something to make him even consider his unspoken words. I led him to say those words. _Zero-kun and I are close_, I had once said to Maria Kurenai. _Zero-kun became an important person. He's precious to me._ But what did I mean when I said those words? Back then, I was so sure of myself, so confident. I told Zero that I meant every word. Now, I reflected on those words and found myself uncertain. Yes, Zero is important to me. Yes, he is precious to me. But when I said those words, what did I really mean? Did I mean it as a friend? Did I just say it because I was provoked by Maria Kurenai, and I wanted to spite her? Or…

There was a reason, I was sure. There was a reason why I started this arrangement of give and take in the first place, why I volunteered to ease Zero's suffering and to become Yuuki's replacement. There was a reason why I couldn't answer Zero when he asked what he was to me, and there was a reason why I finally found the words to answer him. There was a reason why I felt like I was betraying Yuuki by becoming so close to Zero, and there was a reason why I was growing to resent my role as Yuuki's replacement. There was a reason why I didn't tell Zero that I was engaged. I avoided these thoughts for so long, ignored them, denied them, and now it all came rushing in to me with no warning, and I had no choice but to face them all.

What I was unable to admit to Zero.

What I was unable to admit to myself.

Until now.

"Well?" Zero asked, waiting for my answer.

I stared at Zero, and it was almost like I was looking at him for the first time. I lifted my free hand up towards him, and Zero removed his hand at my collarbone and caught it instinctively. But I didn't let that stop me. My fingers found his face and cupped his cheek. Zero furrowed his brow, trying to calculate why I'm doing this, trying to reject this close proximity, but his head caved in and leaned into my touch. I wondered if I had realized all of this sooner, would the outcome have changed? Could things have been different between us? Could we have been… _No_, I thought. In the end, things would always be the same.

"I _have_ been tormenting you… haven't I?" I finally agreed, meeting Zero's gaze, and smiled sadly.

Zero's eyes flickered. "Wakaba?"

"All right, then. I'll tell you what I was going to say, and then I'll release you, Zero-kun… from this terrible web I've ensnared you in."

* * *

**[rxr]**


End file.
